THERE’S A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN THAT CITY – Part 2 UPDATED – 6/24/17 continue to scroll to 2B


I stormed back into the room where tubs and purse lips were; who the hell did they think they were anyway. I was in this hospital for 8 years. This office was Mikes! What the hell happened? (I’d find out later, that the corporate world is an ugly, ugly place).

“Welcome,” tubs came up to me and put her hand out. I tried to keep from laughing. She had that kind of face where you just can’t quite look her in the eye so you gotta look in between and pretend otherwise you’re afraid you’ll bust out laughing. She turned around to purse lips and I looked at her ass. I couldn’t help it. I always had a nice ass so I don’t know, I was kind of guilty of feeling a little sorry for those who were less fortunate, and yet, man, she was way less fortunate because her ass was so big the pockets to her jeans looked real small.

I usually wasn’t this mean, nor judgmental but I knew these women were both gonna be bitches so I had to put them down in my head first so I could think a little straighter. I just kept thinking of poor Mike. He was probably wandering down around North Philly or Kensington now looking for crack with that tattered old briefcase in his hands, brass knuckles tucked away ’cause he was a little guy but he packed a punch.

What the fuck, man?

Purse lips came up and introduced herself as Gretchen and I wasn’t surprised I knew it had to be that or Myrtle or something. Gretch reminded me of wretch and that’s what I wanted to do at that moment. Wretch. Right in her pursed lips.

Acting like nothing was going on.

We got a call.

“Pathology, Lucy speaking.”

“Hey, Lucky Lucy,” a nurse named Chris bellowed into the phone, “we have someone down here in CT we need your help.”

Thank God. A patient. I looked at lumps and Gerty or Wretchy and told them I had to make a run.

“All scans must be listed on the board,” said her Highness through lips so tight they were aggravating me. And I still didn’t really know what happened to Mike. The guy ruled that roost for almost 25 years though he had told me in a moment of solidarity that he thought everyone who was on his side were kind of leaving or getting the boot. He had been afraid of this.

I took the cart, ignored purse lips and ran downstairs to let all the nurses know that there was a new sheriff in town.

None of them were surprised.

Dr. Nissan (yes, that was his name) said in his Russian twang, “What is going on up there?” even before he let me know where the tumor was in this patients lungs.

“Calm down, Lucy,” he soothed, “Let me tell you a joke. Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to divorce court and the judge asks why Mickey wants to split up the famous duo.”

I raised my eyebrow and without skipping a beat he added, “He said, ‘because she’s fucking goofy.’

I smiled, shook my head and asked how big the tumor was.

He adjusted his glasses, “What no laughter?”


“Ok, ok. 30 pound weight loss without trying. 3 cm on CT but it looks..” he walked over to where the radiologist sat and moved the scanner around, “looks like it shrank a little since last time.”

I watched him as he went over and adjusted the stage needle and then put a longer one inside. When he brought it out I took it from him and expressed the bloody material onto a slide and “quik dipped” it to give it some color. The 30 pound weight loss alone was worrisome. That had to be one of the biggest indicators of cancer that I saw in my career. And just as I suspected, the minute I stared into the microscope I knew I was looking at a pretty bad adenocarcinoma, pretty in color but as ugly in spirit as I suspected in those two bitches upstairs…..

6/24 – start here if you’ve already read part 2- this is part 2B

I was so mad I took my little cancer cart and wheeled it upstairs, not able to believe that they got rid of Mike that easy and brought in two more; what was gonna happen to me? How come every place I ever worked I made a lot of money but always had to deal with a lot of bullshit. Maybe once I could try making shit money and not dealing with shit. My husband made enough. He worked homicide and believe me, people in this city were always blowing each other’s brains out, if not their own.

I was thinking about a patient named Keefer because it reminded me of Keith Richards except this guy was black, and really sick. First time I met him he was a good looking muscular dude who was kind of eyeing me up, I was in my thirties but I still had it, ya’ know? And then the next time I saw Kedith James on the list and I went up with one of the other drs and I thought that can’t be Keefer the dude looks half dead. So when we put the 22 gauge needle in one of his lumps I bent over and stared into his eyes and he looked at me.

He recognized me. And he had these green eyes. And you know how green eyes on black dudes always looks so smooth, man his eyes were hurting and it pained me. I said hi to him but he couldn’t say hi back; the tube that had been down his throat scratched it so bad he couldn’t talk right. That or he was just straight up that sick. Either way, for some reason this is what I Was thinking of when tubs and purse lips came back into view.

I was thinking that their was no way in hell these two would care and know the patients the way I did. I knew these patients I did things for them. And when Dr. Greene came in with his urine (cause he took a lot of pain medication for his back and always wanted to know if I saw eosinophils, I think it signified something with the kidneys) but anyway, I always did it on the sly so he wouldn’t be billed. Were they gonna take care of Dr. Greene’s urine the way I did?

Purse lips came over and said, ” I don’t see any documentation on the walls of where you were just now.”

I looked at the walls like she was speaking some crazy language, “What? I just told you I was going down to CT.”

“Well now it has to be documented.” She said, haughty like.

And that was the beginning of the end for me. Because I could do a lot, and I was smart as shit, but I couldn’t remember to write stuff down. Never. It wasn’t my style. I was writing down what happened now. But like I couldn’t write down every day I’m going here I’m going there. I couldn’t do structure at all.

And that’s how purse lips and tubs would get me.




So I walked over to Tammy’s house so she could get a good look at my ass. Maybe I had a hemorrhoid or something. I was hoping because the alternative would be just too much for me to handle. Bear? Rape? Why?

I knocked on her door, maybe a bit too hard because he swung it open and was as wide eyed as if I was the police standing in front of her with a warrant.

I brushed past her. “Tam, it’s bad, man, real bad.”
She looked out the door, both ways like we were in some kind of movie.

“What the hell are you looking for?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she said, turning around, “but I thought maybe Bear or something might have followed you.”
“I don’t even know where the hell Bear is. I left his door unlocked because he’s such an airhead he probably didn’t even bring his key.” And then I thought of something, ” and where is he anyway. I texted him, he didn’t answer and he doesn’t ever answer his phone. NEVA.”

“Ok” she said clapping her hands together, “Let’s get a look at your ass.”

I started laughing, “Okaaay. Should I just whip it out or-”

“Come on, Jade, you called me freaking the fuck out and Bear ain’t exactly, you know, running on all cylinders as it is. I always thought he wasn’t wrapped too tight. Every time I see him he asks me how’s my pussy doing.”

I started really laughing then, then I started crying, thinking about how much I loved Bear but if he did this to me I was gonna be so fucked up about it.

“All right,  all right let’s go in the kitchen or somewhere. The bathroom? I don’t know,” I turned around so she could see the back of me, “Can you see blood.”

And when I saw her eyes widen it was like when you have your period real bad and you ask someone if they can see anything and you turn around and they look and the look they give you, you know there’s a big ass red blotch back there.

“Are you fucking serious?” I moaned. “Omg.” I pulled down my pants and just bent over, not caring anymore. My asshole burned so bad anyway what was anymore humiliation added onto it.

Tammy came up behind me and bent down, opening my ass cheeks apart gently.
“Have you done this before, you have a knack for it.” I joked.

“Jade, Jade this isn’t funny. Get me a wet towel,” she ordered.

“How the hell am I going to do that?” My pants were halfway down not off. I climbed out of them threw them to the side and reached over to get some towels and I ran them under the sink, cold water.

She took them from me and dabbed gently. It burned a little and I winced.

“What’s it look like?”

“Jade, it’s like there’s tiny dots with blood coming out. And there’s bruising on the sides. Whoever did it, did it hard. He…or someone, whoever, definitely butt fucked you.”

“Well Sherlock, I had that figured out. I’m talking like, what do you think happened. Why would he do this to me when I probably would have given it to him anyway?”

She looked up at me and with the utmost serious of looks said, “Jade you can’t ask me, you gotta find Bear and ask him.”

6/24 – this is 2B

“You mother fucker,” I hissed into the phone, “I know what you did, you whacko…why the fuck did you do it.”

Bear finally answered me. I had texted and called him all day long. Tammy was right behind me egging me on. Sticking her fingers down my pants every so often to remind me how bad I was hurting.

“What the hell are you talking about?” came his thick, surprised reply. Jade, we did the same thing we always did when we were together. We had fun.”

“Listen, Bear, I known you forever. I am with you for Christ’s sake when you do stuff to other girls…or guys when it’s your way of the day, but this time you did it to me. You put something in my drink because one minute The Eagles were in the City and the next minute you were in my shitty.”

He laughed and that sweet laugh of his made me think of the way his lips turned up and his eyes would smile along with his mouth. He was such a sweetheart how could he do this to me? I really couldn’t remember last night, everything was so fuzzy and I wanted to know what was going on.

“We had fun, like we always do, Jade. What do you want me to tell you?” he was saying this in a way I Didn’t like, like in a dark way that I heard him talk to his bitches to and I wasn’t one of his bitches.

“Let’s get some crabs tonight and Coronas and do it again.” he suggested.

“Do what again?” I goaded.

He paused.


I started down at the cell phone in my hand then looked over at Tammy who was putting on her super pink lipstick and mixing it with cinnamon to give it a more natural hue, she was mushing her lips together and staring at me quizzingly.

‘He did it.’ I mouthed. And I know he did. And that’s ok cause two could play at that game. Two could play….




Almost like he knew Steve had told me, but how could he, Mark wouldn’t answer his phone. I called it again and again and again. It kept ringing but no one was answering.

I decided to walk down the stores myself, not drive, but walk, through the woods, even more sneaky like. Anyone could see my car. It was a distinctive blue color. It might have been your standard Toyota but it was painted by whoever owned it before so there was no other blue quite like it. I was gonna kill this mother fucker.

Why would Steve lie? He just wouldn’t. He looked so bad even telling me what he wanted to tell me that it was making me sick. Making me sick to think of Mark being with another woman. We’d been together so long. We had a good relationship. None of it made any sense.

I walked through the schoolyard and down the stone covered embankment and into the woods where we used to hang out as children. That’s when I had first met Mark. We had both been in high school and him and his friends had driven a car inside the woods and blew it up. We thought that was so daring and cool. It had been an abandon car and back then it wasn’t like now. Everything wasn’t tracked. There weren’t cameras everywhere so you could do things and have fun without fear that the next day everything would be plastered all over Facebook or YouTube. As I made my way into the woods, the sunlight glistening off the trees, it lit up like God’s country and everything looked so beautiful. I loved nature. I loved being out in the woods…with…Mark…and now…now would I ever love anything again? Was it even true? Maybe Steve was high and it wasn’t Mark though I knew in my heart that something was wrong.

But why would Mark do it in front of the 7-Eleven knowing people that both knew us would be down there. That was the classic neighborhood hook up place for any kind of drug you wanted. Since we were kids that’s where we got our pot from, our coke, our ludes. (Man, did I miss those 714’s.) I used to take my birth control at 7:14 every night because that was the only time I could ever seem to remember to take it.

I stopped and breathed in the air. The air that smelled like wet leaves and dirt that was old because no one except old heads or real little kids ever came in here anymore. It wasn’t like when we were kids. They had gotten rid of the path so it wasn’t as easy to walk through the woods anymore, you kind of had to walk around it. Strange things would brush up against your legs and one time Mark and I were fucking like mad dogs in what we thought was just a brush and here it was a bunch of Poison Ivy which I turned out to be allergic to and he nursed my wounds back to health.

I frowned. I felt my lip quivering and my eyes tearing and I knew I was about to breakdown because no matter what. I knew something was wrong.

6/24 – 2B (PLEASE NOTE 2B was prewritten and then lost- so this might be a little shaky or “underwritten” at one point I am going to start writing these elsewhere and then pasting them to this site- for now I am literally writing them off the cuff or LIVE and I am sure it shows in some parts but once I get it off the ground it won’t always stay so.)- DEBBIE

I hustled out of the woods, not really knowing what I was going to do. What would I do when I found Mark? Confront him when I don’t even really think I wanted to know the truth? Steve wouldn’t lie to me and unless he had beer goggles on or something and really didn’t see what he thought he saw I was gonna be one sad girl. I came out of the woods and turned to see the orange and green glow of the 7-Eleven, practically blinding my eye sight, then I saw the kids, staring at me, at mom, the enemy, she who was either searching for her kid to yell at or was a town watchdog type person. When I was younger it was pot and cocaine on the weekends but now kids today were all about heroin and whatever they could find, bath salts and things I never heard of nor knew nothing about. Or like the Angel Dust of the past had mutated into something called ‘wet’ where people ripped off their clothes and drank water out of toilets they would get so thirsty, or so I heard. It scared me how hardcore things were now. I wouldn’t even try ecstasy yet someone told me that we had done enough shrooming and hits of acid that ecstasy wouldn’t matter. And right now the last thing on my mind was drugs anyway.

I wanted to scream out, I am neither I am just looking for my cheating husband.

I had only been with Mark he was my one and only lover. I had kissed a few guys before him but he was it. And I was like maybe his third, we had been with each other that long. I even brought another girl into the relationship before, for his 21st birthday so he wouldn’t stray  and while he had a great time while it was happening he told me afterward he really hadn’t liked it. Like he thought me being with her was really cool but he hadn’t liked being with her directly and I hadn’t much liked that part either. But I made him promise that he would do that rather than anything behind my back. At least I would know about it and it always seemed to work. He seemed satisfied, our sex life was as good as it had always been.

I couldn’t understand… so I searched around for a friendly face and I saw Meringue and ran over to him, pretending like I was running up to him to buy something. He was a nice kid and came right over to me and I couldn’t stop it; the minute he wrapped his arms around me I burst into tears. I just could not hold it back. He held me tightly and didn’t ask nothing until I pulled back and said lightly, “Have you seen Mark around?”

He shook his head and his hazel eyes seemed to go right through to my own when I heard a car revving into the parking lot behind me. It was Mark and he was with another person in an unfamiliar car. I was about to break loose but Meringue stopped me. “Don’t” he whispered under his breath, so I did, I stopped…and I waited….


Bear with me I eventually will get around to making this look like a real site and not just….

words with the same picture to the left. I wish I was more of a computer wizard. I’m an old school 80’s girl- shit like this was just a thought, a bubble, a dream in the horizon when I was popping ludes like they were tic tacs…now everything is so high tech and my kids – jeez – they laugh, oh mom, you’re so funny, but mom lived a hell of a life and I would like to get it out there in a way that people in todays world would like – hell – even I like to go on a site that has flash and pizzazz – people want stimulation but for now folks – this is the site for I M A G I N A T I O N so imagine that it’s totally tricked out (is that still even a cool term to use?) and play on, playa’….

6/18/17 -authors to check out or at least FIND & thanks for offers of donations… much appreciated

for now my blog/website will be free I appreciate the offers for donations like you wouldn’t believe….I am going to continue to blog – reach me on twitter  – @bookshopworm1) for the quickest response I check that the most –

and as always I will put up youtube posts as fast as I can.

In the meantime anything following my experimental story “There’s a lot of Problems in that City” I will head it always with that name. Anything else will be headed as usual, with whatever I am talking about. currently I am reading books as always and will review them as I can- Artie Lange from “Dirty Work” and the Howard Stern show wrote “Too Fat to Fish” and “Crash and Burn” the former was a hysterical look at the beginning of his life and the latter is a more seriously toned look at the madness of addiction – I strongly recommend both of them. I am reading an older non-fiction true crime right now “Lie after Lie” by Lara Brickler it’s a quick read and I am liking it. My next books that I am really looking forward to are “The Fact of the Body” by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich and “Killers of the Flower Moon” by David Grann, both came highly recommended.

Also there was a writer who wrote two great books-  “A Simple Plan” and “The Ruins” (which people either love or hate but I absolutely LOOOOVED) by a man named Scott Smith. Where is this man?? He seems to be an enigma within an enigma  – no one knows of him or where he is and I have done research to try to find this guy.

Also – I know she’s played out a bit with Gone Girl (which out of the 3 books/1 novella) she wrote was my least favorite but STILL when is Gillian Flynn coming out with a new book????? And last but not least another author who I think is bangin is Gilly Macmillan – October 3rd she has a new release but in the meantime “What She Knew” and “The Perfect Girl” are excellent reads.

She wrote me on twitter and seemed to be an incredibly wonderful person and another author whom honestly, I think seems like one of the most engaging people I have ever Tweeted with, Chris Bohjalian, is without a doubt, an absolute sweetheart, his books are either up here——- or

down here (ex- midwives I couldn’t read fast enough, while The Secrets of Eden I had to plod through, yet wasn’t terrible) but anyway, he is an absolute doll and a big shout out to him! I’ve read most of his books and he’s a definite recommend!




For now bookhopworm is taking a break from her book worming/shopping frenzy (though whenever theres an outbreak be sure to follow her on twitter bookshopworm1 people!) and thought she’d just hang in the city for a while…Bookshopworm or Lucy as her real name is, was broke….it’s true folks, happens to the best of us…one minute you’re riding high on the 100k a year glory of literally sitting on your ass collecting huge paychecks, and the next minute, you’re loading boxes onto a FedEx truck for a quarter of the pay and not only that, three times as much work.

It happened one day like this. Lucy walked into her office and two other bitches were standing there. Literally.


“I’m telling you Renee, the smell on the El is getting worse. I know they put in all those fancy new seats but it reeks of BO and, like, jiz or some shit.” I had to yell this into my phone as Renee’s hearing was getting worse and worse it seemed.

“That’s gross.” She laughed and I could picture her stomach giggling up and down to her great guffaws of cheer. If there was one thing I could count on it was Renee to laugh at anything I said, which always did kind of cheer me up. “But I know what you mean, girl.” And then much more quietly, “Oh, shit, there’s Larry, gotta go, Chickie.”

I smiled to myself and then frowned when I saw what was going on before me. Two women, who I never saw before were in MY office, looking through my drawers. I had been there eight years and no one ever looked into anything I did. My boss was the shit. He smoked crack but honestly, he never really let it interfere with work, if he had a bad comedown he’d just call in a migraine and I’d take over. We’d been working well together since the day we met.

I looked toward his office and didn’t see him. This should have been the first clue that something was VERY wrong. But still, I maintained my composure. I didn’t know then what I know now. Had I? I would have beat the shit out of both of them and just stormed out.

“Hello-?” I said, sweetly.

Their “hellos” were not as sweet. Gruffily, the tubby one with red hair and freckles said, “Hey”, in a truck driving dykie was that almost made me laugh and the other one looked up and pursed her lips. She was wearing the ugliest shade of orange, too. I liked her the least already.

“What’s going on? Where’s Mike?” I asked, growing annoyed.

With the utmost contempt, purse lips looked up and me and through teeth that I now saw were really fangs and said, “He’s no longer with us.” and then went back to going through my boxes. I should have initially asked why they were going through MY stuff then and not HIS but I was too fouled up about what I was seeing before me.

I ran down the hall to the two most beautiful women I knew, Sarah and Kit, to ask what the hell was going on. When they saw me Sarah immediately got up and gave me a big hug. She pulled herself apart to look at me through her glasses and said, “Isn’t it a shame about Mike?” And though she went into a deep, meaningful explanation as to why his job was “eliminated”, though purse puss seem to have any problems un-eliminating the job, I to this day have no recollections of the words spoken. Sarah handed me a bible and told me to pray and Kit said with the sweetest sing song of voices to “fuck those bitches”.

Except they would fuck me.



Jade was in a different situation, one not so corporate but mind blowingly depressing at times. She was riding high in art school when she was raped by a man whom she really had trusted. And the worst part was – she didn’t even remember the rape she just knew it happened.




Talking to my friend, Tammy, was helping me figure out what had happened the night before. I was in Center City on a rooftop, drinking a Corona with a lime in it when I started to feel a little woozy. Next thing I remember I woke up, Bear, a good buddy of mine for a long enough time for me to not understand why what happened did, was gone, and I was left alone on the mattress we had pulled out to listen to an old Eagles album. I loved that song, “One of These Nights” and I played it over and over again. I awoke to a bleeding anus and a very fuzzy recollection of how that would be happening except for the obvious.

“You think he raped you?” Tammy asked me, I could almost here her smacking her lips together trying to get just the right blend of Perfect Pink and Moxie Roxie to blend.

“Well, butt raped me.”

“Rape’s rape.” she said.

“I understand that, Tam, I just don’t understand why he would do that when I probably would have given him butt sex anyway. We had done a little speed so I was kind of flying and then he gave me that Corona and I felt so dizzy, there had to be something in that drink.”

“Was anyone else there with you guys?”

I shook my head though she couldn’t see me, really hurt that this might actually be a true scenario. Me and Bear had been friends forever. I met him stripping and he used to drive me home every night. We had sex together here and there. It wouldn’t even make sense for him to do something funny when we….were the way we were…

“Was there anyone else there?” she repeated.

“No,” I said softly, but I don’t know where he was an he wasn’t answering his cell or the pager he carried for work. I kept sticking my fingers back into my butt and the blood was really coming out. Not pouring out, but this wasn’t some popped hemorrhoid or something. This was for real. I stared down at my shoes, Kat Maconie brand which I loved her heels, though she might be doing a little too much of a good thing with the one style, but still the original platform vibe was pretty cool.

What the hell happened last night?


Francine was as straight laced as they came. She had always been a good girl. Always done thing the “right way” and now, her husband of five years had cheated on her. Mark swore it would never happen again but she was devastated once she got it through her thick head that it actually happened. It had started with her friend Steve coming to her one night…..



“Francine, I know what I saw. I was standing in front of the 7-Eleven, waiting for Theo to come through with some half decent bags because Pedro cuts his too much-”
“For Christ’s sake, Steve, I don’t care about the bags, what did you see?” I was on the verge of hysteria because I didn’t want to believe what he was about to tell me could be seeped in any sense of truth. Mark and I had been together since high school. We got married when we turned 21 and we were going to start a family. Steve had to be mistaken.

“It was raining but I know what I saw. Mark didn’t see me and I don’t know what he’d do this in front of the 7-Eleven when he knows everyone hangs down there, but he was there, with a girl, with blonde hair, that wasn’t you because I thought it was you at first because they were kissing. But when she turned her head, I was waving and I could see she didn’t recognize me and the more I looked the more I realized it wasn’t you then when Steve saw me he got out of that parking lot like his car was on fire.” He was rushing through the story where I wanted every simmering detail because he was scared. That’s how I knew this wasn’t a joke or Steve just being dopey Steve. He must have really saw Mark with another girl and the pain cut through me so bad I couldn’t breathe. I wanted Mark. I had to talk to Mark.

I couldn’t even hear the rest of what Steve was saying. And I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I just wanted to be alone and I just wanted to talk to Mark. NOW.

And who the fuck was this blonde bitch anyway?

“You wanna smoke a joint?” Steve asked, his blue eyes almost glistening with tears of his own. “I didn’t want to tell you this…I didn’t, Francine, but I didn’t think it was fair not to tell you.”

If what he was really saying were true then Steve was truly a good friend. But how was I gonna find out. It wasn’t like Mark would tell me though I would know if he was lying.

My skin boiled. I was going to sit and wait. I would know right away. I played it off like I wasn’t about to jump off the roof, which is what I felt like doing right at the moment and I thanked Steve, telling him I just wanted to sit and think for a while and I really did appreciate him telling me what he saw.

“Are you sure?” he truly looked upset, “Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”

I shook my head, “No, no, that just means you’re a really good friend for telling me this.”

“You want me to sit with you a minute?”

I shook my head, hard, no I wanted to be by myself and I wanted to talk to Mark.





been a while- see YouTube and Twitter which I keep more up to date

Starting “All The Breaking Waves” by Kerry Lonsdale. I just finished Penny Marshall’s book “My Mother Was Nuts” which was surprisingly good. I didn’t know what to expect from it, but since she’s more on par with what I grew up with (the 80’s, Quaaludes, and no cell phone or social media) I felt a connection with her. There’s something to be said for lack of facebook days- now it’s like kids have no privacy and I noticed something else.

When a kid is “bored” it’s because there so inundated with constant stimulation, they don’t know how to create their own fun from ground up. My sister and I used to get a tape cassette player and tape “stories” I would kill to be able to find them and play them. They were fun, original, and another example of what we did in the 80’s when we were bored.

I have to cut this quick as I am running out but maybe that will be my next post – what we did in the 80s for fun!!!

kat maconie and moving forward… 1/5/2017 part two.

ok obviously I borrowed these from a site on google – I looove both of them esp the pink ones but cannot find any in my size – (8.5) or 39 rather, so I foung blue ones which I love as well, maybe not as much as the killer mix of pink and gold but none the less – gorgeous – also

as I was talking about “The Pact” by Jodi Piccoult it’s the story of Chris and Emily – together since birth, going out, having a blast, and then the unthinkable happens, Chris and Emily are out one night and Emily shoots herself OR the police are saying Chris shot her, so it goes from there. I was really into it and then from previous reviews SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER it said that Emily was molested in a mcdonalds bathroom but from that scene I don’t know I never got that so I was very confused -anyway- END OF SPOILER – it’s still a great book, I thought, and I like Jodi Piccoult novels, they’re not “hot rods” theyre old comfortable Chevy Impalas, a nice sturdy slow ride.

Alas, I met a guy I will refer to as M.A. – those are his initials – he’s a cool person. He writes screenplays – now I was always a novel writer- he wants me to be involved in the screen writing process and I think that would be cool-  if you want to check out a short go on my twitter page – bookshopworm1 – theres a link at the top or go to youtube and check out  IMMB productions – I have to write now!!



Okay it’s the new year and I will be taping many things for my youtube account debeden444 – we will be:

Making our own bath bombs!!

Discussing current events!!


BOOKS – I just got done Jodi Picoult’s “The Pact” and I loved it up until the very end. The last 10 pages were just overwrought blah blah but that’s fine – Jodi Picoult’s novels are not like firecrackers – as in “Gone Girl” or “Girl on a Train” which become these raging successes and when you read them it’s like book crack (though Gone Girl was the least of my favorites from author Gillian Flynn I loved “Dark Places”, that being my favorite and “Sharp Objects”, even her short, “The Grownup” which I cannot believe they put into a hardcover being only 64 pages, but I preferred all of these to Gone Girl and for no other reason than, I liked it, it’s just not my favorite, regardless, all of these books were different than Jodi Piccoult’s. “Nineteen Minutes” I think was my favorite of all her books, but it was the first of hers I had ever read. I realize she has her “formula”, the little surprise ending, the soap opera type goings on between families. How each one “teaches” one about a certain given subject. And for me, endings never meant much for me, it’s always the journey not the destination. Always.

So I ordered a pair of shoes from my new favorite shoe designer, Kat Maconie, her shoes are fucking amazing. And I CANNOT wait to get them. I got a pair of sandals of hers already but they aren’t the BAM POW WAM of these babies I just bought. I WILL TAKE A PICTURE AND UPLOAD it onto this webpage of yours truly wearing them. I will actually upload a picture right now and name it part two of 1/5/2017

Jet fresh and what goes around comes around

img_7806Ok this is the story in a nutshell my punctuation and everthing may be off but thats because my phone is cracked and tiny and my desktop computer is a mess. I have to get a new one.

What I learned in the last year and a half is life sure is strange. Yes that’s me; my safety gear for jet fresh ( look it up kids) I went to college for five years. I got a job right out of school making 40k a year in 1996 then it just increased from there I got to where I was making an easy 70k a year. Then I left that job to work At temple university hospital oh what a prize I had nabbed ; ( I should have known something was off when a dying former coworker begged me not to take the job ) but at that time  my boss was great, he made me the clinical cooridinator for the students I was beloved. I ruled; I was popular,  everything was just going my way.  I had no problems. I took massive 1.5 hour lunches and did whatever I wanted…

and then

after 20 years of being in this field there I was a bloated yet happy version of my former self, I had made it, I had money, respect, I had it all.

Until fate stepped in

And boy did it have different plans in store for me. Something happened;  bad; something I had nothing to do with. Someone made a complaint against temple it was investigated  and found to be warranted but had nothing to do with my boss or with me and yet we were blamed; they brought in R.M.F and T.C to get rid of me and they did so quickly, spread all kinds of lies about me and basically  ruined my reputation. I couldn’t even get another job in my field; I had to cash out my 401ks and I was lost; a lost lonely mess.

What would become of me?  I was terrified.

The union fought but I was a political hot potato. There was little they could do. Eventually Temple gave me 20k and made me sign a paper that I wouldn’t sue them which was utterly  ridiculous ( I had already went through abitration) I should have sued them instead of going through the arbitration but what can I say you live and you learn.

My dad’s goddaughter called my dad one day and said she had gotten a job at a place called Jet ( first you had to prove yourself and get through the temp part if they liked you you were in )(oddly the same thing had happened to her except she had been a county cop, but they had fired her same way, it happens more than you think believe me) I had never heard of jet so I thought what do I have to lose except the massive amount of weight I had gained being a fat cat all of those years.

And so I moved forth…

I started a job that was physically demanding, something I had never had to do before .  My jobs were always mentally straining.

In the first month I lost twenty pounds

then, they had a form to sign up to work on the freezer side of jet called “jet fresh” and I though what the heck did I have to lose except more weight ?

What happened was like being in boot camp.

10 hours a day on my feet no more cushy lunches or big pay checks; 15 minute breaks that some days you could die for. I was amazed at the kids who walked in and worked so hard? Had I been that spoiled that I was in amazement that they just accepted this hard labor as normal?! I couldn’t believe it. At their age I would have said fuck you and walked within minutes.

Instead I was fucking determined to prove myself. I was going to pass this test, through the temp agency and into Jetfresh. I had gotten so used to people kissing my ass all the time that I was on my own here and scared to death. First few days I got lost inside the warehouse they thought I was bat shit crazy and yet still I was determined. Christ I had stripped in the clubs when I was 23 nothing was more terrifying than that. I had been on Howard Stern for a few years as Debbie the Queefer and if I could get in front of Howard and queef I sure as hell could make it inside a freezer.

My bones ached and my fingers bled and I ached for the days of fat paychecks and yet still I stayed. I was furious, now, just with the fact that my fat ass was having trouble keeping up with these young kids.

and then…..

then something happened….

I started to talk to people.

I was beginning to like the sheer brute will it took just to physically get through the day at times;

not to mention the pounds were literally just starting to fall off of me; I was Seeing the real Debbie poke through.

I hadn’t seen her in many, many years….

When D told me that I was getting converted into Jetfresh as a real employee it took everything I had not to burst into tears. I had done it. I had done something I never thought possible. I had never worked this hard in my life and for such little money but the money didn’t matter anymore. I was starting to love myself again. And it had been so long …. so you see, bad things do happen to good people. I am a good person. I had just become a chubbier version who made a lot of money. Now I have to watch what I spend  but wow do I look so much better being  broke. Clothes that haven’t fit me since I was pregnant, fit. I’ve grown to love that damn freezer.

It’s home.

and to the bitches that tried to break my spirit

what goes around comes back around ..: all the way back around

love and kisses

Debbie  that was the shortened version of what is a much longer story but again it’s hard using my little phone screen and my desktop computer is truly screwed so for now, that’s the beginning of being fresh, only the beginning,



November 1 2016

I got off track – but I will start up – sorry – I am in a Jodi Picoult mood – I have been reading her books -I read Small Great Things and now I am backtracking and reading Second Glance. I liked Small Great Things- a little over the top with for example when the woman is being led out of her house, arrested, she complains that none of her white friends say anything. But around here, so many people are arrested first of all I wouldn’t ask why any of my neighbors were being arrested and second what does it matter if she’s black, everyone around here gets arrested all the time. But for right now it was a good book – I got totally sidetracked I’ll delve more into all of this I need a new phone and a new computer – both are broken and yes same shitty computer as last year SIGH – ONE OF THESE YEARS LOVE AND KISSES

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware and The Status Of All Things by Liz and Lisa

PS – this should be at the bottom but I just thought of it – there’s a podcast called My Favorite Murder – sometimes they yammer on too much but for the most part its good – check that out too!

I have just read The Woman In Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware.  This is her second novel. Her first was In a Dark Dark Wood, I liked that one I liked this one but I have to say this second one followed somewhat of a formula type pace. I like Ruth Ware’s writing and yet I think as a writer she will grow and become even better. There’s an amazing Hitchcockian potential there that just needs to grow.

The story revolves around a woman who has severe anxiety issues who gets on a ship and gets mixed up in a bizarre mystery involving murder and intrigue – I can’t say to much without going into spoilers – -it’s entertaining a bit slow at times but I don’t know there was just something missing that I cannot put my finger on; like the heart was missing from it – it was what it was and nothing more but the ending got picked up speed so that was its strong suit…anyway- I am starting to fall asleep

I just started reading The Status of All things by two women- Liz Fenton and Lisa Steinke -it is very good so far. And when I picked it up I was a bit afraid because I like horror or heavy themes; I don’t tend to go for lighthearted like Where did you go Bernadette -that was a five star reviewed book that I could not get through the first 20 pages and I tried BOY did I try and I just straight up was a part of the very very few who did not like it. So when I picked this up I was afraid, very afraid, and here, I LOVE it- can’t read it fast enough and I WILL REVIEW IT!! I don’t want to forget my PEEPS!


and Watch a show on TV land Called Younger it’s by the maker of Sex and the City Darren Starr- I will tell you what THAT guy KNOWS women!!

I don’t know how he does it – but he digs right into what we like what we NEED

He’s outstanding – The 3rd season premiers on Sept 28, 2016- next wed – TV land 10 pm- watch it! love it – and American Horror- after that God Awful Hotel I couldn’t even get into – this season is awesome – I am really starting to dig Cuba Gooding Jr. He was OJ Simpson in a past show and now he’s playing the lead in AH and I am digging it – and I love that Sarah Paulson- she rocks – so keep it going and I must go to bed I am falling asleep sorry rushed at the end I will try to keep up I adore you guys