For now bookhopworm is taking a break from her book worming/shopping frenzy (though whenever theres an outbreak be sure to follow her on twitter bookshopworm1 people!) and thought she’d just hang in the city for a while…Bookshopworm or Lucy as her real name is, was broke….it’s true folks, happens to the best of us…one minute you’re riding high on the 100k a year glory of literally sitting on your ass collecting huge paychecks, and the next minute, you’re loading boxes onto a FedEx truck for a quarter of the pay and not only that, three times as much work.

It happened one day like this. Lucy walked into her office and two other bitches were standing there. Literally.


“I’m telling you Renee, the smell on the El is getting worse. I know they put in all those fancy new seats but it reeks of BO and, like, jiz or some shit.” I had to yell this into my phone as Renee’s hearing was getting worse and worse it seemed.

“That’s gross.” She laughed and I could picture her stomach giggling up and down to her great guffaws of cheer. If there was one thing I could count on it was Renee to laugh at anything I said, which always did kind of cheer me up. “But I know what you mean, girl.” And then much more quietly, “Oh, shit, there’s Larry, gotta go, Chickie.”

I smiled to myself and then frowned when I saw what was going on before me. Two women, who I never saw before were in MY office, looking through my drawers. I had been there eight years and no one ever looked into anything I did. My boss was the shit. He smoked crack but honestly, he never really let it interfere with work, if he had a bad comedown he’d just call in a migraine and I’d take over. We’d been working well together since the day we met.

I looked toward his office and didn’t see him. This should have been the first clue that something was VERY wrong. But still, I maintained my composure. I didn’t know then what I know now. Had I? I would have beat the shit out of both of them and just stormed out.

“Hello-?” I said, sweetly.

Their “hellos” were not as sweet. Gruffily, the tubby one with red hair and freckles said, “Hey”, in a truck driving dykie was that almost made me laugh and the other one looked up and pursed her lips. She was wearing the ugliest shade of orange, too. I liked her the least already.

“What’s going on? Where’s Mike?” I asked, growing annoyed.

With the utmost contempt, purse lips looked up and me and through teeth that I now saw were really fangs and said, “He’s no longer with us.” and then went back to going through my boxes. I should have initially asked why they were going through MY stuff then and not HIS but I was too fouled up about what I was seeing before me.

I ran down the hall to the two most beautiful women I knew, Sarah and Kit, to ask what the hell was going on. When they saw me Sarah immediately got up and gave me a big hug. She pulled herself apart to look at me through her glasses and said, “Isn’t it a shame about Mike?” And though she went into a deep, meaningful explanation as to why his job was “eliminated”, though purse puss seem to have any problems un-eliminating the job, I to this day have no recollections of the words spoken. Sarah handed me a bible and told me to pray and Kit said with the sweetest sing song of voices to “fuck those bitches”.

Except they would fuck me.



Jade was in a different situation, one not so corporate but mind blowingly depressing at times. She was riding high in art school when she was raped by a man whom she really had trusted. And the worst part was – she didn’t even remember the rape she just knew it happened.




Talking to my friend, Tammy, was helping me figure out what had happened the night before. I was in Center City on a rooftop, drinking a Corona with a lime in it when I started to feel a little woozy. Next thing I remember I woke up, Bear, a good buddy of mine for a long enough time for me to not understand why what happened did, was gone, and I was left alone on the mattress we had pulled out to listen to an old Eagles album. I loved that song, “One of These Nights” and I played it over and over again. I awoke to a bleeding anus and a very fuzzy recollection of how that would be happening except for the obvious.

“You think he raped you?” Tammy asked me, I could almost here her smacking her lips together trying to get just the right blend of Perfect Pink and Moxie Roxie to blend.

“Well, butt raped me.”

“Rape’s rape.” she said.

“I understand that, Tam, I just don’t understand why he would do that when I probably would have given him butt sex anyway. We had done a little speed so I was kind of flying and then he gave me that Corona and I felt so dizzy, there had to be something in that drink.”

“Was anyone else there with you guys?”

I shook my head though she couldn’t see me, really hurt that this might actually be a true scenario. Me and Bear had been friends forever. I met him stripping and he used to drive me home every night. We had sex together here and there. It wouldn’t even make sense for him to do something funny when we….were the way we were…

“Was there anyone else there?” she repeated.

“No,” I said softly, but I don’t know where he was an he wasn’t answering his cell or the pager he carried for work. I kept sticking my fingers back into my butt and the blood was really coming out. Not pouring out, but this wasn’t some popped hemorrhoid or something. This was for real. I stared down at my shoes, Kat Maconie brand which I loved her heels, though she might be doing a little too much of a good thing with the one style, but still the original platform vibe was pretty cool.

What the hell happened last night?


Francine was as straight laced as they came. She had always been a good girl. Always done thing the “right way” and now, her husband of five years had cheated on her. Mark swore it would never happen again but she was devastated once she got it through her thick head that it actually happened. It had started with her friend Steve coming to her one night…..



“Francine, I know what I saw. I was standing in front of the 7-Eleven, waiting for Theo to come through with some half decent bags because Pedro cuts his too much-”
“For Christ’s sake, Steve, I don’t care about the bags, what did you see?” I was on the verge of hysteria because I didn’t want to believe what he was about to tell me could be seeped in any sense of truth. Mark and I had been together since high school. We got married when we turned 21 and we were going to start a family. Steve had to be mistaken.

“It was raining but I know what I saw. Mark didn’t see me and I don’t know what he’d do this in front of the 7-Eleven when he knows everyone hangs down there, but he was there, with a girl, with blonde hair, that wasn’t you because I thought it was you at first because they were kissing. But when she turned her head, I was waving and I could see she didn’t recognize me and the more I looked the more I realized it wasn’t you then when Steve saw me he got out of that parking lot like his car was on fire.” He was rushing through the story where I wanted every simmering detail because he was scared. That’s how I knew this wasn’t a joke or Steve just being dopey Steve. He must have really saw Mark with another girl and the pain cut through me so bad I couldn’t breathe. I wanted Mark. I had to talk to Mark.

I couldn’t even hear the rest of what Steve was saying. And I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I just wanted to be alone and I just wanted to talk to Mark. NOW.

And who the fuck was this blonde bitch anyway?

“You wanna smoke a joint?” Steve asked, his blue eyes almost glistening with tears of his own. “I didn’t want to tell you this…I didn’t, Francine, but I didn’t think it was fair not to tell you.”

If what he was really saying were true then Steve was truly a good friend. But how was I gonna find out. It wasn’t like Mark would tell me though I would know if he was lying.

My skin boiled. I was going to sit and wait. I would know right away. I played it off like I wasn’t about to jump off the roof, which is what I felt like doing right at the moment and I thanked Steve, telling him I just wanted to sit and think for a while and I really did appreciate him telling me what he saw.

“Are you sure?” he truly looked upset, “Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”

I shook my head, “No, no, that just means you’re a really good friend for telling me this.”

“You want me to sit with you a minute?”

I shook my head, hard, no I wanted to be by myself and I wanted to talk to Mark.





been a while- see YouTube and Twitter which I keep more up to date

Starting “All The Breaking Waves” by Kerry Lonsdale. I just finished Penny Marshall’s book “My Mother Was Nuts” which was surprisingly good. I didn’t know what to expect from it, but since she’s more on par with what I grew up with (the 80’s, Quaaludes, and no cell phone or social media) I felt a connection with her. There’s something to be said for lack of facebook days- now it’s like kids have no privacy and I noticed something else.

When a kid is “bored” it’s because there so inundated with constant stimulation, they don’t know how to create their own fun from ground up. My sister and I used to get a tape cassette player and tape “stories” I would kill to be able to find them and play them. They were fun, original, and another example of what we did in the 80’s when we were bored.

I have to cut this quick as I am running out but maybe that will be my next post – what we did in the 80s for fun!!!

kat maconie and moving forward… 1/5/2017 part two.

ok obviously I borrowed these from a site on google – I looove both of them esp the pink ones but cannot find any in my size – (8.5) or 39 rather, so I foung blue ones which I love as well, maybe not as much as the killer mix of pink and gold but none the less – gorgeous – also

as I was talking about “The Pact” by Jodi Piccoult it’s the story of Chris and Emily – together since birth, going out, having a blast, and then the unthinkable happens, Chris and Emily are out one night and Emily shoots herself OR the police are saying Chris shot her, so it goes from there. I was really into it and then from previous reviews SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER it said that Emily was molested in a mcdonalds bathroom but from that scene I don’t know I never got that so I was very confused -anyway- END OF SPOILER – it’s still a great book, I thought, and I like Jodi Piccoult novels, they’re not “hot rods” theyre old comfortable Chevy Impalas, a nice sturdy slow ride.

Alas, I met a guy I will refer to as M.A. – those are his initials – he’s a cool person. He writes screenplays – now I was always a novel writer- he wants me to be involved in the screen writing process and I think that would be cool-  if you want to check out a short go on my twitter page – bookshopworm1 – theres a link at the top or go to youtube and check out  IMMB productions – I have to write now!!



Okay it’s the new year and I will be taping many things for my youtube account debeden444 – we will be:

Making our own bath bombs!!

Discussing current events!!


BOOKS – I just got done Jodi Picoult’s “The Pact” and I loved it up until the very end. The last 10 pages were just overwrought blah blah but that’s fine – Jodi Picoult’s novels are not like firecrackers – as in “Gone Girl” or “Girl on a Train” which become these raging successes and when you read them it’s like book crack (though Gone Girl was the least of my favorites from author Gillian Flynn I loved “Dark Places”, that being my favorite and “Sharp Objects”, even her short, “The Grownup” which I cannot believe they put into a hardcover being only 64 pages, but I preferred all of these to Gone Girl and for no other reason than, I liked it, it’s just not my favorite, regardless, all of these books were different than Jodi Piccoult’s. “Nineteen Minutes” I think was my favorite of all her books, but it was the first of hers I had ever read. I realize she has her “formula”, the little surprise ending, the soap opera type goings on between families. How each one “teaches” one about a certain given subject. And for me, endings never meant much for me, it’s always the journey not the destination. Always.

So I ordered a pair of shoes from my new favorite shoe designer, Kat Maconie, her shoes are fucking amazing. And I CANNOT wait to get them. I got a pair of sandals of hers already but they aren’t the BAM POW WAM of these babies I just bought. I WILL TAKE A PICTURE AND UPLOAD it onto this webpage of yours truly wearing them. I will actually upload a picture right now and name it part two of 1/5/2017

Jet fresh and what goes around comes around

img_7806Ok this is the story in a nutshell my punctuation and everthing may be off but thats because my phone is cracked and tiny and my desktop computer is a mess. I have to get a new one.

What I learned in the last year and a half is life sure is strange. Yes that’s me; my safety gear for jet fresh ( look it up kids) I went to college for five years. I got a job right out of school making 40k a year in 1996 then it just increased from there I got to where I was making an easy 70k a year. Then I left that job to work At temple university hospital oh what a prize I had nabbed ; ( I should have known something was off when a dying former coworker begged me not to take the job ) but at that time  my boss was great, he made me the clinical cooridinator for the students I was beloved. I ruled; I was popular,  everything was just going my way.  I had no problems. I took massive 1.5 hour lunches and did whatever I wanted…

and then

after 20 years of being in this field there I was a bloated yet happy version of my former self, I had made it, I had money, respect, I had it all.

Until fate stepped in

And boy did it have different plans in store for me. Something happened;  bad; something I had nothing to do with. Someone made a complaint against temple it was investigated  and found to be warranted but had nothing to do with my boss or with me and yet we were blamed; they brought in R.M.F and T.C to get rid of me and they did so quickly, spread all kinds of lies about me and basically  ruined my reputation. I couldn’t even get another job in my field; I had to cash out my 401ks and I was lost; a lost lonely mess.

What would become of me?  I was terrified.

The union fought but I was a political hot potato. There was little they could do. Eventually Temple gave me 20k and made me sign a paper that I wouldn’t sue them which was utterly  ridiculous ( I had already went through abitration) I should have sued them instead of going through the arbitration but what can I say you live and you learn.

My dad’s goddaughter called my dad one day and said she had gotten a job at a place called Jet ( first you had to prove yourself and get through the temp part if they liked you you were in )(oddly the same thing had happened to her except she had been a county cop, but they had fired her same way, it happens more than you think believe me) I had never heard of jet so I thought what do I have to lose except the massive amount of weight I had gained being a fat cat all of those years.

And so I moved forth…

I started a job that was physically demanding, something I had never had to do before .  My jobs were always mentally straining.

In the first month I lost twenty pounds

then, they had a form to sign up to work on the freezer side of jet called “jet fresh” and I though what the heck did I have to lose except more weight ?

What happened was like being in boot camp.

10 hours a day on my feet no more cushy lunches or big pay checks; 15 minute breaks that some days you could die for. I was amazed at the kids who walked in and worked so hard? Had I been that spoiled that I was in amazement that they just accepted this hard labor as normal?! I couldn’t believe it. At their age I would have said fuck you and walked within minutes.

Instead I was fucking determined to prove myself. I was going to pass this test, through the temp agency and into Jetfresh. I had gotten so used to people kissing my ass all the time that I was on my own here and scared to death. First few days I got lost inside the warehouse they thought I was bat shit crazy and yet still I was determined. Christ I had stripped in the clubs when I was 23 nothing was more terrifying than that. I had been on Howard Stern for a few years as Debbie the Queefer and if I could get in front of Howard and queef I sure as hell could make it inside a freezer.

My bones ached and my fingers bled and I ached for the days of fat paychecks and yet still I stayed. I was furious, now, just with the fact that my fat ass was having trouble keeping up with these young kids.

and then…..

then something happened….

I started to talk to people.

I was beginning to like the sheer brute will it took just to physically get through the day at times;

not to mention the pounds were literally just starting to fall off of me; I was Seeing the real Debbie poke through.

I hadn’t seen her in many, many years….

When D told me that I was getting converted into Jetfresh as a real employee it took everything I had not to burst into tears. I had done it. I had done something I never thought possible. I had never worked this hard in my life and for such little money but the money didn’t matter anymore. I was starting to love myself again. And it had been so long …. so you see, bad things do happen to good people. I am a good person. I had just become a chubbier version who made a lot of money. Now I have to watch what I spend  but wow do I look so much better being  broke. Clothes that haven’t fit me since I was pregnant, fit. I’ve grown to love that damn freezer.

It’s home.

and to the bitches that tried to break my spirit

what goes around comes back around ..: all the way back around

love and kisses

Debbie  that was the shortened version of what is a much longer story but again it’s hard using my little phone screen and my desktop computer is truly screwed so for now, that’s the beginning of being fresh, only the beginning,



November 1 2016

I got off track – but I will start up – sorry – I am in a Jodi Picoult mood – I have been reading her books -I read Small Great Things and now I am backtracking and reading Second Glance. I liked Small Great Things- a little over the top with for example when the woman is being led out of her house, arrested, she complains that none of her white friends say anything. But around here, so many people are arrested first of all I wouldn’t ask why any of my neighbors were being arrested and second what does it matter if she’s black, everyone around here gets arrested all the time. But for right now it was a good book – I got totally sidetracked I’ll delve more into all of this I need a new phone and a new computer – both are broken and yes same shitty computer as last year SIGH – ONE OF THESE YEARS LOVE AND KISSES

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware and The Status Of All Things by Liz and Lisa

PS – this should be at the bottom but I just thought of it – there’s a podcast called My Favorite Murder – sometimes they yammer on too much but for the most part its good – check that out too!

I have just read The Woman In Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware.  This is her second novel. Her first was In a Dark Dark Wood, I liked that one I liked this one but I have to say this second one followed somewhat of a formula type pace. I like Ruth Ware’s writing and yet I think as a writer she will grow and become even better. There’s an amazing Hitchcockian potential there that just needs to grow.

The story revolves around a woman who has severe anxiety issues who gets on a ship and gets mixed up in a bizarre mystery involving murder and intrigue – I can’t say to much without going into spoilers – -it’s entertaining a bit slow at times but I don’t know there was just something missing that I cannot put my finger on; like the heart was missing from it – it was what it was and nothing more but the ending got picked up speed so that was its strong suit…anyway- I am starting to fall asleep

I just started reading The Status of All things by two women- Liz Fenton and Lisa Steinke -it is very good so far. And when I picked it up I was a bit afraid because I like horror or heavy themes; I don’t tend to go for lighthearted like Where did you go Bernadette -that was a five star reviewed book that I could not get through the first 20 pages and I tried BOY did I try and I just straight up was a part of the very very few who did not like it. So when I picked this up I was afraid, very afraid, and here, I LOVE it- can’t read it fast enough and I WILL REVIEW IT!! I don’t want to forget my PEEPS!


and Watch a show on TV land Called Younger it’s by the maker of Sex and the City Darren Starr- I will tell you what THAT guy KNOWS women!!

I don’t know how he does it – but he digs right into what we like what we NEED

He’s outstanding – The 3rd season premiers on Sept 28, 2016- next wed – TV land 10 pm- watch it! love it – and American Horror- after that God Awful Hotel I couldn’t even get into – this season is awesome – I am really starting to dig Cuba Gooding Jr. He was OJ Simpson in a past show and now he’s playing the lead in AH and I am digging it – and I love that Sarah Paulson- she rocks – so keep it going and I must go to bed I am falling asleep sorry rushed at the end I will try to keep up I adore you guys


Its Septemner 23, 2016 and my vagina

I knew this would happen- I got a job outside the home and I just can’t pay attention to this site- I am on twitter mostly – I want to try to keep up this site – pisses me off that I am letting it lag and I am not getting to the comments the way I wanted to – I apologize for this and I am going to try my best – I would love nothing more than to write all day and do this blogging because I feel that I have  a lot to bring to people – that I can weed through the bad in life and filter in the good to people that want it – anyway – MY VAGINA – As some know from 1997 to about 2008 – some reruns are still run to this day I was the raining queefgirl of the Howard Stern show – there were many contests -didn’t matter if I won or lost – for some reason people just loved ME the most and for that, I thank you.

Anyway – I am over forty now and when I turned forty something horrible happened. My vagina started to attack me. I feel that this is something that few women talk about because it’s embarrassing, sounds gross, women don’t want people to know that their vagina might be anything less than perfect.

Well that’s what happened – for years I literally had a golden vagina – and then wow – did it turn – sorry to gross anyone out but my vagina became most of all itchy and a bit dry. The itching was driving me crazy. I thought I had a yeast infection but I bought Monistat – used it and, still the itch and burn remained, no STDs (thankfully never had one in my life) but I was perplexed — what the hell was wrong with my baby? My vagina which had been perfect for so long was now hurting.

I tried everything, and I started getting Urinary Tract Infections quite frequently. This went on for about a year and I was going nuts. Finally, one day I was on amazon, trolling for books to read to review for you good people when BAM I don’t even know what I plugged in to find this product- it’s called

RePhresh it’s a Pro-B Probiotic. I don’t exactly know what that means.

Probiotic in the dictionary is listed as a substance or preparation that is introduced into the body for its beneficial properties.

Well. this RePhresh had 1,107 reviews of which 70 percent were 5 star reviews, 10 percent were 4 star – so that’s 80 percent of really good reviews for over 1000 women.(I’ve heard Ultimate Flora is good as well)

However, just having been introduced to these products- I didn’t know what to think. I just know I was climbing the walls with this damn itching and dryness – I even tried something called Pink for the dryness which worked but didn’t do anything for this constant itching. I thought is my vagina just gone bad????
Alas, I bought this RePhresh and two weeks later, ALL of my symptoms – that weird, “I’m gonna get a UTI any minute” feeling GONE -the itching GONE – my vagina is singing!!! I don’t know who made this RePhresh but I thank them profusely because I literally feel like a new woman!!! Now I never noticed and odor (thank god or I think I would have jumped off the ledge) but I read that women who had odor problems as well noticed a marked decrease taking this product – Now I am not a doctor so by all means discuss this first with your GYN or GP before using but I highly recommend going on amazon and getting some RePhresh – and let your vagina dance!!!!

Its been too long I know I know…

Its been a month today – can’t believe it but time is slipping away, plus I went on vacation plus it’s my birthday on Friday and that is freaking me out as I approach an age I NEVER thought I’d see!

Books I’ve read:

The Girls by Emma Cline, Life or Death by Michael Robotham

All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda and The Two-Family House by Lynda Cohen Loigman

‘Currently I am reading The Lost Girls by Heather Young

So The Girls though it was based on the Manson Girls (and please don’t tell me you don’t know who Charles Manson is, come on) anyway- it’s not so much the story (because the element of surprise is gone so there’s that) but the writing is REALLY good, for that I highly recommend; and it’s not just the good writing it’s the places she takes the reader. It’s more than about the Manson Girls – it’s about life and looking back.

Life or Death by Michael Robotham, like all of Robotham’s books is a fast paced thriller – this one about a guy named Audie and his time in prison for stealing a lot of money – This guy cam write (Robotham not Audie lol) – everything he writes – I’ve read a few of his books so far but I have I think all of them and I will get to all of them are just excellent. He keeps you interested he’s just straight up telling a story. While I like some books because they might have you look at life a different way or suddenly just realize something about yourself, Robotham just tells a story and that’s nice to know when you pick up one of his books that’s what you’re in for, nothing less.

Now we get to All the Missing Girls, Ahem,

I am an artist. I read voraciously so at this point I know what I like and I can also tell when an author is making the most biggest mistake that all beginner writer’s tend to make and that is TELLING not SHOWING.

Michael Robotham SHOWS; Gilly McMillian SHOWS; Stephen King love him or lump him ,well, you know

BUT THIS BOOK ARGH – so much promise, so many good reviews and then I get to it and I wanted to pull my hair out, seriously.

I do not like downing artists I respect all of my fellow artists – and hey, she’s got a book out there that’s far more well known than anything I’ve ever written so I give her all the props but the book itself drove me crazy.

It was basically shoving down our throats how the protagonist felt throughout the whole book -it would have been a fantastic read had it not TOLD us how she felt every second and how we the reader should be feeling every second.

And I will stop there because, again, I don’t like writing negative reviews. I just wasn’t into it.

Now, getting to The Two Family House. I still keep going back and forth about the book.

I liked it. I did. But did I LOVE it. Or just eh, no, it definitely wasn’t an eh, no matter how dry it was, as in, they always tell you in writing classes, or college writing course, write minimally and just tell the story but this is one of those books that does just that and it’s a short book, clocking in at something like 290 pages yet it could have been written with a better prose. It was a little too dry but it was good, solid. Not a rave but a solid 3.5 stars.

Anyway I am having higher hopes for Heather Young’s Lost Girls!

Love and Kisses





Today is July 16, 2016

I wasn’t working for a while and I was able to twitter and youtube and write down all I wanted to write – I finished a novel that I have been on and off working on for TWENTY years and now I am back to working outside the home and while I love the job, I am back to unintentionally ignoring my website and all things creative. It is true – it’s one thing or another. You have to give 100 percent to really make it. I know I could make it as a writer- a published, well known writer if I had the time. Time is so limited and I am so fearful that I will never get out what I want to get out into the world. I want to leave my mark just like everyone else but life is getting in the way. I am going to do my best to keep up on this website. For now though I feel another novel inside of me that I have to get out.

That being said,

Right now I am reading “Life or Death” by Michael Robotham who is not only an excellent writer but he writes certain passages that really hits home for me. This is paraphrasing  but something to the affect that “I wish I could look at life like that from above and backwards so that everything could be put in perspective.”

I feel like that sometime like why is this or that happening and then you find out why at a later time. That’s why it’s good to not get too upset by things (outside of a child dying – that is one thing that never makes any sense to me and is just horrible through and through) beyond that – everything, the everyday bullshit we deal with – it’s small potatoes and we should always think like that.

Back to Life after Death. A man who did about 15/20 years in prison is set to get out on such and such a date only to escape the DAY BEFORE his release. Why? And what will happen to the 7 million dollars he supposedly has hidden. Great cat and mouse thriller with a lot of life teaching passages in between.

I’m halfway through it – and wish I could read as much as I wanted to I’d finish it today!

Love and Kisses