Talking to my friend, Tammy, was helping me figure out what had happened the night before. I was in Center City on a rooftop, drinking a Corona with a lime in it when I started to feel a little woozy. Next thing I remember I woke up, Bear, a good buddy of mine for a long enough time for me to not understand why what happened did, was gone, and I was left alone on the mattress we had pulled out to listen to an old Eagles album. I loved that song, “One of These Nights” and I played it over and over again. I awoke to a bleeding anus and a very fuzzy recollection of how that would be happening except for the obvious.

“You think he raped you?” Tammy asked me, I could almost here her smacking her lips together trying to get just the right blend of Perfect Pink and Moxie Roxie to blend.

“Well, butt raped me.”

Rape’s rape.” she said.

“I understand that, Tam, I just don’t understand why he would do that when I probably would have given him butt sex anyway. We had done a little speed so I was kind of flying and then he gave me that Corona and I felt so dizzy, there had to be something in that drink.”

“Was anyone else there with you guys?”

I shook my head though she couldn’t see me, really hurt that this might actually be a true scenario. Me and Bear had been friends forever. I met him stripping and he used to drive me home every night. We had sex together here and there. It wouldn’t even make sense for him to do something funny when we….were the way we were…

“Was there anyone else there?” she repeated.

“No,” I said softly, but I don’t know where he was an he wasn’t answering his cell or the pager he carried for work. I kept sticking my fingers back into my butt and the blood was really coming out. Not pouring out, but this wasn’t some popped hemorrhoid or something. This was for real. I stared down at my shoes, Kat Maconie brand which I loved her heels, though she might be doing a little too much of a good thing with the one style, but still the original platform vibe was pretty cool.

What the hell happened last night?


So I walked over to Tammy’s house so she could get a good look at my ass. Maybe I had a hemorrhoid or something. I was hoping because the alternative would be just too much for me to handle. Bear? Rape? Why?

I knocked on her door, maybe a bit too hard because he swung it open and was as wide eyed as if I was the police standing in front of her with a warrant.

I brushed past her. “Tam, it’s bad, man, real bad.”
She looked out the door, both ways like we were in some kind of movie.

“What the hell are you looking for?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she said, turning around, “but I thought maybe Bear or something might have followed you.”
“I don’t even know where the hell Bear is. I left his door unlocked because he’s such an airhead he probably didn’t even bring his key.” And then I thought of something, ” and where is he anyway. I texted him, he didn’t answer and he doesn’t ever answer his phone. NEVA.”

“Ok” she said clapping her hands together, “Let’s get a look at your ass.”

I started laughing, “Okaaay. Should I just whip it out or-“

“Come on, Jade, you called me freaking the fuck out and Bear ain’t exactly, you know, running on all cylinders as it is. I always thought he wasn’t wrapped too tight. Every time I see him he asks me how’s my pussy doing.”

I started really laughing then, then I started crying, thinking about how much I loved Bear but if he did this to me I was gonna be so fucked up about it.

“All right,  all right let’s go in the kitchen or somewhere. The bathroom? I don’t know,” I turned around so she could see the back of me, “Can you see blood.”

And when I saw her eyes widen it was like when you have your period real bad and you ask someone if they can see anything and you turn around and they look and the look they give you, you know there’s a big ass red blotch back there.

“Are you fucking serious?” I moaned. “Omg.” I pulled down my pants and just bent over, not caring anymore. My asshole burned so bad anyway what was anymore humiliation added onto it.

Tammy came up behind me and bent down, opening my ass cheeks apart gently.
“Have you done this before, you have a knack for it.” I joked.

“Jade, Jade this isn’t funny. Get me a wet towel,” she ordered.

“How the hell am I going to do that?” My pants were halfway down not off. I climbed out of them threw them to the side and reached over to get some towels and I ran them under the sink, cold water.

She took them from me and dabbed gently. It burned a little and I winced.

“What’s it look like?”

“Jade, it’s like there’s tiny dots with blood coming out. And there’s bruising on the sides. Whoever did it, did it hard. He…or someone, whoever, definitely butt fucked you.”

“Well Sherlock, I had that figured out. I’m talking like, what do you think happened. Why would he do this to me when I probably would have given it to him anyway?”

She looked up at me and with the utmost serious of looks said, “Jade you can’t ask me, you gotta find Bear and ask him.”

6/24 – this is 2B

“You mother fucker,” I hissed into the phone, “I know what you did, you whacko…why the fuck did you do it.”

Bear finally answered me. I had texted and called him all day long. Tammy was right behind me egging me on. Sticking her fingers down my pants every so often to remind me how bad I was hurting.

“What the hell are you talking about?” came his thick, surprised reply. Jade, we did the same thing we always did when we were together. We had fun.”

“Listen, Bear, I known you forever. I am with you for Christ’s sake when you do stuff to other girls…or guys when it’s your way of the day, but this time you did it to me. You put something in my drink because one minute The Eagles were in the City and the next minute you were in my shitty.”

He laughed and that sweet laugh of his made me think of the way his lips turned up and his eyes would smile along with his mouth. He was such a sweetheart how could he do this to me? I really couldn’t remember last night, everything was so fuzzy and I wanted to know what was going on.

“We had fun, like we always do, Jade. What do you want me to tell you?” he was saying this in a way I Didn’t like, like in a dark way that I heard him talk to his bitches to and I wasn’t one of his bitches.

“Let’s get some crabs tonight and Coronas and do it again.” he suggested.

“Do what again?” I goaded.

He paused.


I started down at the cell phone in my hand then looked over at Tammy who was putting on her super pink lipstick and mixing it with cinnamon to give it a more natural hue, she was mushing her lips together and staring at me quizzingly.

‘He did it.’ I mouthed. And I know he did. And that’s ok cause two could play at that game. Two could play….


I was going to drop something in his drink and put a Corona bottle up his ass.

I left Tammy’s, her begging me to stay and not fight fire with fire because it only led to a whole bunch of smoke and collateral damage but I didn’t care. I was furious. Who did he think I was, one of his stripper bitches?

I mean, when I first met him I had been stripping and I had nothing against stripping but that wasn’t the point right now.

I walked down Frankford Avenue, starting at all the trash. There used to be only trash in Kensington and North Philly and shit like that, now it was everywhere. This city was getting dirtier and dirtier.

I passed a dunkin donuts and had such a sudden craving for a chocolate covered donut I was disturbing myself. I was practically marching when I walked up to the entrance to Mickey’s Bar and Grill which was downstairs below Bear’s apartment. He called it the bar in his basement. We got everything down here when we needed it. It was actually pretty convenient.

I went into Mickey’s and grabbed a key to get into his apartment. I used to keep a key on my chain but then Bear lost his and I gave mine to the owner of Mickey’s so that we could both grab it.

The owner of Mickey’s had a sad story, a long time ago, him, his brother and his sister owned this bar together. They were in the bar one morning and 3 black guys walked in demanding money. They only had a few dollars in the till so they went to get what they had and I guess it wasn’t enough? But they would have went to a bank and got them as much as they wanted, well one guy raised the gun to shoot and Mickey’s sister had been in front. Tommy and Mickey both jumped in front of the bullet’s path to avoid something happening to their sister and she was saved. But Mickey died instantly from a second bullet and Tommy was rendered paraplegic. And the nurse who was hired to take care of him, they fell in love and now due to a raging form of diabetes, she was going blind with each passing day. She was a nice girl, Peg, but the frustration the two of them were feeling. He was now taking care of her.

It was just sad but they did take care of the bar together, the sister and Peg and Tommy and kept it named Mickey’s in their brother’s honor.

I thought of all of this as I walked into the bar to get the key to get inside to Bear’s apartment. Mickey tried to make some small talk but I was too upset to think about anything right now except Corona bottles and assholes.

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I live in Philadelphia. I am a voracious reader and an avid shopaholic. I read everything from Edgar Allen Poe to Shirley Jackson to Stephen King to Graham Joyce to Lucy Clarke. Everything that I like. I shop hard. Like Chanel shop. But I like most people don't have the money to Chanel shop all the time so I do the "Sharon Stone" Gap/Armani thing of infinite fame back in the 90's - I go low/high. This site will be about my life, my shopping adventures and my critique of books. Also I am the original Queef Girl from the Howard Stern show so - stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

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