For now bookhopworm is taking a break from her book worming/shopping frenzy (though whenever theres an outbreak be sure to follow her on twitter bookshopworm1 people!) and thought she’d just hang in the city for a while…Bookshopworm or Lucy as her real name is, was broke….it’s true folks, happens to the best of us…one minute you’re riding high on the 100k a year glory of literally sitting on your ass collecting huge paychecks, and the next minute, you’re loading boxes onto a FedEx truck for a quarter of the pay and not only that, three times as much work.

It happened one day like this. Lucy walked into her office and two other bitches were standing there. Literally.


“I’m telling you Renee, the smell on the El is getting worse. I know they put in all those fancy new seats but it reeks of BO and, like, jiz or some shit.” I had to yell this into my phone as Renee’s hearing was getting worse and worse it seemed.

“That’s gross.” She laughed and I could picture her stomach giggling up and down to her great guffaws of cheer. If there was one thing I could count on it was Renee to laugh at anything I said, which always did kind of cheer me up. “But I know what you mean, girl.” And then much more quietly, “Oh, shit, there’s Larry, gotta go, Chickie.”

I smiled to myself and then frowned when I saw what was going on before me. Two women, who I never saw before were in MY office, looking through my drawers. I had been there eight years and no one ever looked into anything I did. My boss was the shit. He smoked crack but honestly, he never really let it interfere with work, if he had a bad comedown he’d just call in a migraine and I’d take over. We’d been working well together since the day we met.

I looked toward his office and didn’t see him. This should have been the first clue that something was VERY wrong. But still, I maintained my composure. I didn’t know then what I know now. Had I? I would have beat the shit out of both of them and just stormed out.

“Hello-?” I said, sweetly.

Their “hellos” were not as sweet. Gruffily, the tubby one with red hair and freckles said, “Hey”, in a truck driving dykie was that almost made me laugh and the other one looked up and pursed her lips. She was wearing the ugliest shade of orange, too. I liked her the least already.

“What’s going on? Where’s Mike?” I asked, growing annoyed.

With the utmost contempt, purse lips looked up and me and through teeth that I now saw were really fangs and said, “He’s no longer with us.” and then went back to going through my boxes. I should have initially asked why they were going through MY stuff then and not HIS but I was too fouled up about what I was seeing before me.

I ran down the hall to the two most beautiful women I knew, Sarah and Kit, to ask what the hell was going on. When they saw me Sarah immediately got up and gave me a big hug. She pulled herself apart to look at me through her glasses and said, “Isn’t it a shame about Mike?” And though she went into a deep, meaningful explanation as to why his job was “eliminated”, though purse puss seem to have any problems un-eliminating the job, I to this day have no recollections of the words spoken. Sarah handed me a bible and told me to pray and Kit said with the sweetest sing song of voices to “fuck those bitches”.

Except they would fuck me.



Jade was in a different situation, one not so corporate but mind blowingly depressing at times. She was riding high in art school when she was raped by a man whom she really had trusted. And the worst part was – she didn’t even remember the rape she just knew it happened.




Talking to my friend, Tammy, was helping me figure out what had happened the night before. I was in Center City on a rooftop, drinking a Corona with a lime in it when I started to feel a little woozy. Next thing I remember I woke up, Bear, a good buddy of mine for a long enough time for me to not understand why what happened did, was gone, and I was left alone on the mattress we had pulled out to listen to an old Eagles album. I loved that song, “One of These Nights” and I played it over and over again. I awoke to a bleeding anus and a very fuzzy recollection of how that would be happening except for the obvious.

“You think he raped you?” Tammy asked me, I could almost here her smacking her lips together trying to get just the right blend of Perfect Pink and Moxie Roxie to blend.

“Well, butt raped me.”

“Rape’s rape.” she said.

“I understand that, Tam, I just don’t understand why he would do that when I probably would have given him butt sex anyway. We had done a little speed so I was kind of flying and then he gave me that Corona and I felt so dizzy, there had to be something in that drink.”

“Was anyone else there with you guys?”

I shook my head though she couldn’t see me, really hurt that this might actually be a true scenario. Me and Bear had been friends forever. I met him stripping and he used to drive me home every night. We had sex together here and there. It wouldn’t even make sense for him to do something funny when we….were the way we were…

“Was there anyone else there?” she repeated.

“No,” I said softly, but I don’t know where he was an he wasn’t answering his cell or the pager he carried for work. I kept sticking my fingers back into my butt and the blood was really coming out. Not pouring out, but this wasn’t some popped hemorrhoid or something. This was for real. I stared down at my shoes, Kat Maconie brand which I loved her heels, though she might be doing a little too much of a good thing with the one style, but still the original platform vibe was pretty cool.

What the hell happened last night?


Francine was as straight laced as they came. She had always been a good girl. Always done thing the “right way” and now, her husband of five years had cheated on her. Mark swore it would never happen again but she was devastated once she got it through her thick head that it actually happened. It had started with her friend Steve coming to her one night…..



“Francine, I know what I saw. I was standing in front of the 7-Eleven, waiting for Theo to come through with some half decent bags because Pedro cuts his too much-”
“For Christ’s sake, Steve, I don’t care about the bags, what did you see?” I was on the verge of hysteria because I didn’t want to believe what he was about to tell me could be seeped in any sense of truth. Mark and I had been together since high school. We got married when we turned 21 and we were going to start a family. Steve had to be mistaken.

“It was raining but I know what I saw. Mark didn’t see me and I don’t know what he’d do this in front of the 7-Eleven when he knows everyone hangs down there, but he was there, with a girl, with blonde hair, that wasn’t you because I thought it was you at first because they were kissing. But when she turned her head, I was waving and I could see she didn’t recognize me and the more I looked the more I realized it wasn’t you then when Steve saw me he got out of that parking lot like his car was on fire.” He was rushing through the story where I wanted every simmering detail because he was scared. That’s how I knew this wasn’t a joke or Steve just being dopey Steve. He must have really saw Mark with another girl and the pain cut through me so bad I couldn’t breathe. I wanted Mark. I had to talk to Mark.

I couldn’t even hear the rest of what Steve was saying. And I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I just wanted to be alone and I just wanted to talk to Mark. NOW.

And who the fuck was this blonde bitch anyway?

“You wanna smoke a joint?” Steve asked, his blue eyes almost glistening with tears of his own. “I didn’t want to tell you this…I didn’t, Francine, but I didn’t think it was fair not to tell you.”

If what he was really saying were true then Steve was truly a good friend. But how was I gonna find out. It wasn’t like Mark would tell me though I would know if he was lying.

My skin boiled. I was going to sit and wait. I would know right away. I played it off like I wasn’t about to jump off the roof, which is what I felt like doing right at the moment and I thanked Steve, telling him I just wanted to sit and think for a while and I really did appreciate him telling me what he saw.

“Are you sure?” he truly looked upset, “Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”

I shook my head, “No, no, that just means you’re a really good friend for telling me this.”

“You want me to sit with you a minute?”

I shook my head, hard, no I wanted to be by myself and I wanted to talk to Mark.





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I live in Philadelphia. I am a voracious reader and an avid shopaholic. I read everything from Edgar Allen Poe to Shirley Jackson to Stephen King to Graham Joyce to Lucy Clarke. Everything that I like. I shop hard. Like Chanel shop. But I like most people don't have the money to Chanel shop all the time so I do the "Sharon Stone" Gap/Armani thing of infinite fame back in the 90's - I go low/high. This site will be about my life, my shopping adventures and my critique of books. Also I am the original Queef Girl from the Howard Stern show so - stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

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