11/21/2018 Bird Box will nog yo sockys off!

I think it’s the 21st – anywho – I am exhausted – but reading an excellent book- Called “Bird Box” – SPOILER MINOR ahead – some say that they don’t like it because the people are blindfolded and I am like with all that fiction twists around you can’t just suspend disbelief a little and not only that but MAJOR SPOILER – people complain, oh well sometimes the creatures are right in front of them but do not attack makes no sense well hello there the guy is talking about infinity people and saying that infinity is something we cannot as humans comprehend – I’ve been on this earth over 40 years (still way less than 50, ok) and I cannot comprehend that my little time span stands before something like INFINITY FOREVVVVER NEVER GONNA BE ME AGAIN – that alone scares the bejesus out of me – I like being me – I don’t wanna be in the dirt dead ground

but oh well – back to the book – stop thinking and just read the damn thing and you’re pants will fall off you’ll be so scared- I promise – sitting reading, no pants- it’ll just happen – just. like. INFINITY DUM DUM DUM DUMMMMMMM

ok I am crazy now I think I am going to take a lil ol muscle relaxer (since my H dealer died and can’t get that anymore ) ha ha just kidding pfft whatever

anyway – ahem, going to take my muscle relaxer and go scare the shit out of my pants with more BIRD BOX – bring it on SUCKA!!!

Love and Kisses FOR INFINITY

Debbie – and no I am serious I am the big H free yes, it’s true I can’t say I am loving it and can’t say my body doesn’t CRAAAVE it but I will be honest – never felt better in my life and THAT I sincerely mean!


11/2/2017 The Dark Web, Cameron Britton; The Nightingale and One of us is Lying

It was a great Halloween.

Lots of goulishnish to be found- Stranger Things 2 on Netflix was good, the first one was so fun so different that I found myself blanking out a bit but not much, it was solid.

Mind Hunter (though the last episode was considered weak, I in my own self  induced panic frenzies found it ok, even with the coupling of Zepplin’s Dying Light – what the hell, how else could it have ended???) the real ace in the hole is Cameron Britton playing the creepy “Ed Kemper” – so magnificent that when he is on the screen I am completely mesmerized. – sorry for lack of pics it is 3am and I am so tired – but compelled to keep this blog as updated as I can. I like getting out there things that I think of worth watching, reading, buying….

ok, so on that note I read The Nightingale – Kristin Hannah- I thought it was amazing- absolutely breath taking –  (hey, I loved VC Andrews in the 80s so I am allowed to be soapy) – check it out if you’re into Dove Type lather and WW2

Also, One of Us is Lying by Karen McManus- was a fun, if YA oriented novel – I guessed the killer early on but to me it’s never about the destination……the journey, people, always the journey, which leaves me with

on the night of my Paperbacks From Hell fun fest with Grady Hendrix in Philly on 10/7 of which I had such a great time- my son fell into a rabbit hole with a bag of shrooms he got on the DARK WEB??? this is a real place?? I thought it was just some little nightmare world the FBI or Charlie Brooker created to warn us about jerking off in front of a webcam….I can’t believe it’s an actual place- stay away people, stay far far away…….

currently reading – “Ready Player One” by Ernest Cline- its good but I agree with one reviewer- throwing 80s terms at us – it isn’t the same as living it- and I miss those days sometimes more than words can describe……where ARE the real Lemmons?????

Love and Kisses


10/6/17 new Gilly MacMillan and this weekend Paperbacks from Hell author in Philly

This will be short and sweet any books I’ve read I’ve reviewed on bookshopworm.com and

New Gilly MacMillan book “Odd Child Out” came out on the 3rd and I loved her first two books – “What she Knew” and “The Perfect Girl” I loved so I am anxiously looking forward to it – however I started “The Nightingale” by Kristin Hannah which I know, some people call chick lit war but I am loving it so I don’t care what a book is or is not, if I like it, it IS.

Also I am not usually into fantasy per se though I will read anything and am all over the place with my library ( I wish I had the room to show case all that I have which is well over a thousand books, and some of which were erroneously thrown away , I know, queue gasp,

well the other day I was looking out the window, wondering what the heck is going on, between a few odd things in my life ( I just can’t write down some for the world to see, not yet anyway) or the crazed gunman in Vegas and God Bless their families, getting thrown to the side at a WaWa today (convenience store for those outside of this tri-state area) by a guy who was beating the crap out of another guy for some unknown reason, or just trying to make it through the day, I happened to look down and saw a book my son had been reading called, “The Bartimaeus Trilogy” I picked it up and read the back of it and it sounded really good, so I am going to start that – it sounds a bit Harry Potterish, and I liked Harry Potter but by the 5th book I was growing a little weary and starting to ponder if there were any cliff notes, not that they weren’t good. They were great, especially the second one, that was my favorite, but they weren’t the nailbiting thrill that I thought, say, the Hunger Games were,

(Harry Potter was more on the line of the Gregor series, cute but kiddie (by the same author of the Hunger Games, (Suzanne Collins- which when I first read (THG) I was blown away. , while the Gregor series, like Potter, was good.

They’ve since saturated everything about THG and I know I know all about the Japanese version, The Battle Royale, which, yes, came first, and was fantastic (especially that last line!) but I loved the Hunger Games what can I say? I wish Collins would write something else as so with Gillian Flynn and Scott Smith (of The Simple Plan and The Ruins, which again, controversy over the fact that they were killer plants, and who the hell cares what they were I read to escape and to think, not to dwell or make sense of anything,

the book was fantastic and I cannot for the life of me figure out the bad reviews)

OK I am rambling – I know and I hope within this rambling blah blah some books flash out that you’ll want to go out and read.

I also want to also go Saturday night to Phila Moca its at 531 N. 12th St 19123 – pretty much 12th and Spring Garden Street- to See Grady Hendrix and his Paperbacks from Hell, Satan Loves You, HorrorStor. and My Best Friend’s Exorcism, I am pretty excited since rarely do we get any authors visiting this area.

And So Love and Kisses I loooove Viola Davis and How to get away with Murder is on tonight (miss ya Wes!) and I have to be finished before they come on. And I hope I can pictures of my adeventures……


9/27/2017 – writers…..and Paperbacks from Hell my latest obsession – Robert Stack addenum

Ok first I guess I will start off with Paperbacks From Hell by Grady Hendrix- having read “My Best Friend’s Exorcism” and being it was all 80’s all the time and I loooove the 80’s because I was the Quaalude Queen and miss those carefree days of yore and..the story was good.

Now, not only does Mr. Hendrix come out with the fabulous “Paperbacks From Hell” but he’s coming to Philly MOCA at 12th and Spring Garden on Oct 7th- will he recognize me for the psycho bitch that I am or will he say there’s a kindly ol’ lady let me sign her book and I will float home…hoping the latter comes true.,..(i’m just obsessed right now dude- comes from a long line of obsessions – I’ll find something else to fixate on soon enough perhaps actually getting this novel I am working on DONE since my last novel was published 2007 and it’s been 10 years – time to get another one out there (The Destroyer for all those who haven’t a signed copy from me when I had sooo many freebies to give out Deborah Eden was my name at the time) – ANYHOW – So I am going through said novel and I come across this little item….

I am going to paraphrase as much as possible not verbatim rewrite but it talks about an author named Ken Greenhall who passed in 2014. He wrote under several names, the most famous apparently, Jessica Hamilton, “Elizabeth was the book”, well, this guy pumps out a few sellables and suddenly the agent/publisher tells him he is TOO OLD!?!?!? Too old to write?? Are you Fucking kidding me??

This was more disturbing to read than 90 percent of the horror novels in the book!

How is an author deemed too old?? You could always put a fake name behind it and “Milli Vanilli” it. I don’t get it???

He then wrote and published a book that got some praise on Amazon from about three people but still…”Lenoir” about a black man who posed for Reuben’s ‘Four Studies of the Head of a Negro” and the New York Times I guess was “patronizing”‘ about it and then poof he never writes again and dies as I said 2014. I am simply sick. So many writers are dashed into obscurity or are forced to self publish because they’re not James Patterson or Daniel Steel, my God, what happened to books, movies, art in general – the 70’s seemed to be a masterful time in which people took chances and were legit allowed to express themselves… oh Lord I feel a total perimenopausal attack of hormones coming on….

Anway- great book and I did also read – “Good Me, Bad Me” by Ali Land which, don’t get me wrong was good and “The Last Place You Look” but Kristin Lepionka, both solid but I don’t know I was more riveted by a few David Bell books equally as much “Bring Her Home and “Somebody I Used to Know” which received far less attention and having said all this – VC Andrews- the Gothic Queen herself when she wrote “Flowers in the Attic” the publishing house though ‘oh so terrible’ but I was sitting in my backyard pool, 1983, couldn’t even look up from the novel I was so engrossed – THATS a BOOK but noooo I’m an idiot…we’d much rather read pretentious bullshit that I can’t understand – so entranced with HOW they are writing their sentences they forget to RIVET PEOPLE RIVET

I have been to a few writing groups – some are absolutely amazing and very positive. They will honestly critique your work in a POSITIVE manner not out of jealousy or because they happen to be the leader of the group’s whipping post but legit HONEST. Then I been to the ones where the table is filled with hummus of 20 different varities and this is what happened to me once:

I wrote a story..I knew the lady who ran the program liked what I had written (and I still stand by that piece wherever the hell it is) but because the people were soooo involved with tearing apart one sentence or asking why the girl was yelling at her husband when her “husband did nothing wrong?” HELLO – Is anyone here married?!?!?!

And I was just startled – there was the darling of the group – the guy who really got an agent and you could tell had no agenda and was actually going places and then the others- some had again, really good stories but because the darling of the group wrinkled her nose and then the leader for whatever reason hung onto this chick’s every word and then would agree without hearing any other opinion, the story was rendered ‘eh’ – I was horrified by these types of writer’s groups.

Now, in my opinion, you want something bad enough and work hard and smart enough, you’re gonna get your work out there no matter what the hell it looks like, could be the worse trash in the world but hit that spark and you’re made.

Then you find those GEMS and wonder- how the hell was this so misplaced. Right off the bat I can’t think of an older book outside of the V.C. Andrews phenom that is calling to me but a newer writer Gilly Macmillan and Lucy Clarke (whose novels are so ‘quiet’ yet to me, so spell binding – but you don’t really hear of them, maybe Macmillan a little but not Clarke. Not the way she should be known and again, If I think of a book that blew me away and the author languished in obscurity who was brilliant (yes I’m looking in the mirror) I will bring that author up….for now I have to work on Novel number 2 or 3 or 10 (but the 2nd one that I AM DETERMINED TO GET PUBLISHED – 10 years people!!) and then I have to walk the dog and watch some really bad horror movies “Mother’s Day”, “Happy Birthday to Me” basically anything on Shudder- so busy day.

Love and Kisses

Debbie – again – please reach me at twitter bookshopworm1 – I am having a tough time right now getting to my email etc- I am just inundated with this that and the other…

PS – Robert Stack – I have been rewatching the old Unsolved Mysteries – and I will tell you what- not only do they hold up but damn Stack was in his 70s and not half bad looking! Am I really getting that old (shiver shudder wince) anyway – if you have Prime on Amazon take a look – they’re are some damn good episodes- if I get the chance I will try to pick out a few but Lord have Mercy I sure do need more than 24 hours in a day at this point!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is 8/24/2017

well yesterday was my year anniversary at Jetfresh you can get to it by jet.com/fresh- it really does have some incredible food. its was of the nicest places I have ever worked – reminds me of the old days at PMCO (1990-1993) – except back then I was the youngest – now I am the oldest. Its weird to be older than your managers…and see their hopeful gazes at how far they’ve come and I really hope it works out for them particularly D.A. (using maiden initials- when I wanted to quit (on the first day because all I had known since 1988 was cytotechnology) she ran after me in the parking lot and I will never forget that.

I am filled with such emotions all the time and quest dealt with it- Temple did not – this place seems to understand that my inner turmoil is just never ending and at times, self defeating.

Read some books – The Final Girls by Riley Seger (pray that’s spelled right). I thought it was excellent – brought me right back to the 80s horror slasher flicks and any complaints I have read make little sense – oh she does something stupid – well that’s what every one did in ever 80s horror flick ever – before the snarky elements of scream were brought into play – that’s all we had was hard core believe in the mothers day, the last house on the left, the Friday the 13ths, the graduation days, the every movie that ever existed between about 78 to 85 was when they started fading out in regards to a certain amount of originality.

ok now I read My Best Friend’s Exorcism (it really is cool)  which was by Grady Hendrix and was great – fun – I think it’s on par with Ready Player One – yet RPO is about video games where this was about an exorcism.

It was fun – may have dragged here and there but I say full 4 stars- maybe even 4,5- it was excellent and I did by horrorstor which just by the cover and the layout I can see why it one best book of the year 2014 by NPR,

I am currently reading the Australian authored-“Did “See what I have done” by Sarah Schmidt – so far I am only 20 percent in but I am liking it – twisted- looking into the minds of the main players- the sister Emma, Lizzy. Bridget the maid which I find fascinating and then this strange observer whom I haven’t gotten to yet but I will…

I bought a few Sam Edelman purses in different colors then found a blue velvet Michael Kors bag that I really want for 192,00 on ebay I am so pissed I wouldn’t have bought the other color had I saw that first. Shopped at lulus – the ever present aldo and I am going to NYC in the next month with my friend Renee and were gonna have a blast!

I’m trying to keep up with my City blog but its hard- I read a lot and I am a lover of writing novels- I have to get back into it- like the VC Andrews novels- do you know that it is as popular today as when she was alive ? I think the ghost writer is that same guy but it must follow some kind of formula and people eat it up- hell when I was younger (1983) I remember devouring “If there be thorns” in my backyard in my pool.

I love books they’ve shaped my world and I would always dream that one day I would write a Forever or a Flowers in the attic – a Rebbeca or even a Haunting on Hill House- maybe I could still do it – I am not 50 yet and as a writer I can get old, unlike every other art (except painting etc) – anyway – love and kisses and I will do another clown youtube it seems to be the most popular,,,


etsy, final girls, ruth ware

this is going to be brief as I am so behind in my reading. I have this new book “My best friend’s excorcism” and I want to get to that first I am reading “The Lying Game” by Ruth Ware who is being called the modern day Agatha Christie. Not sure how I feel about that yet but anyway, “The Final Girls” by Riley Sager (a pseudonym I wonder who it really is – someone famous- someone just didn’t want their name out there) anyway I give it an A+ regardless, The Final Girls is a roller coaster ride of fun – is it a little predictable yes – but isn’t Friday the 13thsssssss and all that came after them??? besides the very first one where it was Mrs. Vorhees- we all knew it was Jason behind the hockey mask. and yet I could watch any of them over and over again. It was fun, pure fun, and I actually await more from “Riley Sager”

Next is Etsy- which is an artsy ebay. So far render me unimpressed. I go on ebay I see what I am getting and 9 times out of 10 I get exactly what I paid for in a timely manner. With etsy it’s all “Artsy” it’s all “Oh sorry I am making this and working full time and have 20 orders in front of yours…” soo…why do it if it takes a month to get a mason jar? I bought about 4 pair of earring from etsy 2 of which were ok- the other 2 were horrendous, plastic junk. I wouldn’t even give a rating because I looked and saw that they are “Artists” and if someone is truly giving it their all and it’s not coming up too good I find it very hard to be negative about it, I just know from now on I am going to stick with ebay instead of etsy. I have gotten way to many good deals on ebay. People say for selling, ebay and their fees are worse and worse. But from a buyers point- there’s no greater place. Paypal completely has your back and whenever I have had to use it suddenly whatever problem I may have had quickly disappeared.

Amazon is still my personal favorite but that’s book wise- they’re getting woefully expensive every other item wise. Though every once in a while I will see an out of print book that amazon is trying to get away with selling for some crazy amount through a “third party” seller and then I’ll go on ebay and find the very same book  for 3.87 – no joke,

so in closing, not so impressed with Etsy as of yet- loved Final Girls, I like Ruth Ware and am anxious to read “The Lying Game”,  and I just got back from Wildwood NJ which until the end of time is my favorite place on planet earth, Next youtube will be another clown video it was fun to film it got a lot of high ratings I just have to get my producer over here aka my cutie pie daughter whose having fun this summer – we did this wild ride where this string lifts you oooh so high then you pull the string and wweeeeeeehhh we swung back and forth I’ll try to upload the video onto this site its awesome.


DEBBIE Queen of the jungle according to the B52s- (at least I think it was the jungle?)


Factory Girl; I shot Andy Warhol and Sid and Nancy

Ok so yesterday I was talking about an actress who was stabbed to death, Krista Helm and going through hot girls who died too young I find mention of Edie Sedgwick who I thought was this glamorous model until the day she died I never realized she had all kinds of issues…I guess everyone does but my image of her with what I read about yesterday was vastly different than what I originally thought of her. Anyway, I found the movie with Sienna Miller who is just cute as a button plays Edie in a movie called “Factory Girl” now usually, I am right on par with biographies, such as “I shot Andy Warhol” about that chick Valerie Solanas who shot Andy Warhol in the late 60s. He was a magnet for freaks and when you have freaks hanging around, yes they are endless sources of looking at life in a way you wouldn’t normally think of, but you gotta watch because most freaks have problems and I guess whatever she had inside her because in the movie “I shot Andy Warhol” she seemed to idolize Andy so, you know, whatever complex emotional situation caused this outcome was greatly explored in that movie, critically acclaimed and a great vehicle for Lili Taylor (who I just love, her acting is top notch)

Sid and Nancy, another excellent movie starring the vastly underrated Chloe Webb and the great Gary Oldman, about Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen which leads me into her mother’s biography “And I don’t want to live this life.” ( I think I read that about 5 times when it came out circa 1984)  which is one of my all time favorites- anyway back to the movie – it was excellent – and critically acclaimed, etc.

Now this leads me to the Factory Girl, ok Rotten Tomatoes gives Sid and Nancy 89%, I shot Andy Warhol gets a 77% – and then you come to Factory Girl which was very good and it gets a 19% ?!? I can’t figure out why…I really enjoyed that movie. Now I’m thinking it is because Bob Dylan comes off a little bit like an airhead and Andy Warhol just an absolute jerk. I don’t know these people in real life – they seem fine to me- but for Lou Reed to read the script and say “I read that script. It’s one of the most disgusting, foul things I’ve seen – by an illiterate retard – in a long time. There’s no limit to how low some people will go to write something to make money….they’re all a bunch of whores.” WOW (this was taken directly from the Wikipedia website)

So I am not sure what happened, I’ve read reviews in which the person goes off about the way they (particularly Dillon and Warhol are represented) but I am not sure why…I think the person I read from said they are represented like assholes but who isn’t an asshole at some point in their life? I can’t imagine having that much money and NOT being an asshole at some point.

And yes, the movie is a bit jumbled- it flashes from here to there without any fantastic direction and yet there is something so vulnerable about Sienna Miller’s depiction of Edie that just takes my breath away – and the biggest naysay about the drug addiction part being “cliché” well that’s what all drug addictions become, cliché, because every single drug addict on the planet becomes exactly that when they are in the throes of whatever addiction – a cliché! My God that’s the worst critique of all. I could see if you were a friend of these people and just the exploitation in general gets to you (ala Lou Reed) I can understand that because if those were my friends I think I’d be pretty pissed off. But the movie itself 19%?!? I have to disagree 19.5 – no just kidding, to me, yes it wasn’t as good as Sid and Nancy (which is one of the all time great “druggie rock and roll bios”) there is no set agenda, it IS all over the place, jumping from scene to scene, with to me, Dylan coming off the oddest, like cardboard. And yet the story it depicts is so gut wrenching to me when she falls and is in the throes and Richie Berlin, (who is in the few final moments for real as herself saying that Edie was very hard to control) comes in and tries in vain to help her. To me, that part in particular is poignant and I feel for her. I really do. I have never had the level of fame that these characters have had. Nor the money by any means but oh Lord have I had the addiction and it sucks and somehow when I watch it, it helps me when I am at one of those points of wanting to get high so bad, of staying away and remembering why I don’t want to be like that anymore.

Then you really do become a cardboard character of yourself……….

Here’s to you Edie….


Aldoshoes.com, rabbits, and an actress named Christa Helm that I just learned of today…

I didn’t realize on the IOS that it flipped the pictures so I will modify what was originally written.

Okay for now, ignore shoes – they come further down in the post- for now let’s start with a little game I used to LOOOVE – it was in a magazine and I will try to do more of these, if I can remember, my brain being a leaky faucet of information anymore, but anyway I love the

Which Is More? (between the radio bags above)

Don’t cheat either just look at the bags without squinting lol because the answer is THEEEEE …

Silver radio!!!

That’s a Dolce & Gabbana Radio Bag – saw this one on 1stdibs. – 8, 759 and 69.00 shipping – the one on the right is a 60.00 Aldo’s Tiezzo which I have to say besides the one actually working (Dolce of course) and the obvious quality difference in person, they kind of look the same (color excluded) let’s give it up for Aldo (the black radio bag! I have been shopping with Aldo for many years (apparently they opened in Canada 1972) which is surprising – I found out about them, I would say about 2007? Could be later I am not sure. I just know they were this little company in Willow Grove with a little store and then Beyoncé wore a pair of their shoes to one of her concerts and it exploded.

The one in Manhattan is cool, I like the one in Willow Grove PA but I have to say, all of the Aldo’s I have been too are pretty cool, with really nice bags and shoes (their shoes are much better quality than their bags but I actually prefer their bags) and the reason is because Aldo does things like you see above- gives a chance for us po’ people to own things that look remarkably like their more expensive counterparts. Now I see online it got a few knocks for the hardware coming apart and I have to say, Aldo is pretty cool by coming right out and telling the person to go to the store and they will fix it, which is usually only done with the higher end store (Coach and especially Chanel will bend over backwards to help someone fix a broken purse, shoe, button, etc) you rarely see that in a store that’s pushing a 60.00 bag. I just bought a pair of shoes, the ones above (go back to pictures above) and I always find myself buying something from them – they had some cool puffie things (sorry, don’t know what they are called) but the ones that girl’s hang off their purse that seem to be all the rage right now- they started at Aldo – now you can find them everywhere…except Aldo… anywho – Just giving them a shout out because I have been shopping with them for years – are their purses as long lasting as say the Denim Gucci I paid 700? for about 3 years ago and I STILL have that in heavy heavy rotation and it STILL is in as good as condition as the day I bought it – NO the quality is simply not there (except for some of their shoes I must say, are quite remarkable) but the purses are meant to be worn for show a few times and be thankful that we have a place out there again where I can spend 300.00 and come home with a bagful of cool shit!


Rabbits – OK – I started out with 5 rabbits 8 years ago…. down to 2…. one had a heart defect. She died early on. Something outside went BANG and I literally watched her fall over I thought she just fell but no she fell and passed away – it was a very unnerving thing to witness it’s the God’s honest truth and I still miss that cute little thing (she was 5 when she passed – her name was Bella and she was a dwarf bunnie)

Then we got 2 brothers from a pet store – my kids were young at the time and they called them Turtle and Rabbi (my daughter just kept saying rabbi so the name stuck) well again, they made it almost 8 years and then mysteriously about 4 or 5 months apart they both got sick the same way – started with lethargy then the one he went a little quicker he just got really sick and was gone in like 2 days but outwardly I saw no signs (they always talk of this fly-strike being really bad with rabbits but there’s like ugh I hate the words but maggots by their bottom and I saw no signs of this and I was mad checking) that was rabbi – then turtle about 3 weeks ago he started acting a little funny, he had been depressed when Bella died so I thought maybe he was having a little bout of moodiness or something but then no this week lo and behold he wouldn’t eat I laid with him the whole night-  feeding him water off my finger, knowing what was happening but rabbits aren’t dogs and cats and no one around here will even touch them not even the SPCA! believe me I called…a farmer my mom knew told me that rabbits were funny creatures and to just be there for him, he was almost 8 and the farmer said, for a lop that’s ok – usually 7-12 but, again, rabbi died the same way, very very strange- so now we have Ribbons who is 11 and Sassy who is HUGE and she’s about 5 – they’re both females and Sassy seems a little down because her and turtle were best buds- ribbons has ALWAYS been a very standoffish little bitch (and I say that lovingly as I adore her to pieces) and I think that’s why she’s 11 and showing no signs of slowing down…I have no idea what kind of rabbit she is- she’s a curious one – very different than the others.

Onto another one of my favorites- Hollywood hot chicks who were brutally shot down in their time (and I don’t mean “shot down” though in some instances that is exactly what happened) in the vain of well Marilyn Monroe if you wanna go there, Jayne Mansfield (come on, car accidents are brutal) and

then there are you’re- Dorothy Stratten’s who God Bless never even made it out of the gate and good Lord she was gorgeous just beautiful and she was only 20- TWENTY when she was killed by her pimped out ex husband Paul Snider who I get the impression no one really much cared for, but he was her Svengali and he killed her then raped her corpse….lovely.

Edie Sedgwick – 28 when she died of a combination of alcohol and Barbiturate intoxication though the corner ruled it “Undetermined/accident/suicide”) which is odd but ok – it was 1971 – there were tons of drugs around -and I have to say now that I am reading about Edie, I just spent the last 45 minutes obsessing over her – I have to read up more about her – fascinating – but I wanted to talk about

Christa Helm – this was the girl that I originally wanted to get into it with – It all started when I saw a poster on the internet about a movie called “Going for Broke” which was out for like 2 weeks, never saw the light of day after that and even now isn’t listed in IMDb’s normal listing; those big thick “every movie ever made is listed here” well, “Going for Broke” isn’t one of them and no one really has an answer for what happened to it. I read a fascinating article in flashmagonline.net by a Steve Thompson and John O’Dowd which really gets into it saying that – she was (and I am paraphrasing from what I’ve read) – being with a lot of men- rating them and making what would become a big tell all book – which today is a dime a dozen but back in the 70s that was just when light was starting to be shone on what really went behind the scenes in Hollywood and the Icons- (aka – in the 80s Rock Hudson came out as gay and it was a BIG deal) it seems so odd now that a book might be the reason what would happen happened but hey, stranger things…

so this book was to be made, she wasn’t getting any roles or making it in Hollywood as she thought she might (and she did have the looks for it – google her name and many pictures will come up – pretty blond) – she was on Wonder Woman and Starsky and Hutch but no real meaty roles or anything that tipped the scales of stardom.

So she sends her friend a cryptic postcard right before she died saying “I am in way over my head here. I’m onto something I can’t get out of.”

And how pray tell did she die? On the night of Feb 12, 1977 she was on her way to a party when she was attacked from behind – later DNA results would point to her attacker being a female and she was stabbed over 30 times. Of course, and unfortunately her neck and face seemed to be the biggest targets which is telling in its own right. she was also bludgeoned with blunt object, either the handle to a knife or a possible hammer. Her bleeding body was found by a passerby on the street.

Press coverage at the time of her death was minimal leaving people to speculate that this had been a kill-for-hire and was done because of what and who she knew….which leaves me wanting to read more and more about her. I usually will watch a movie about these women (Star 80 for Stratten, millions of movies for Marilyn, Sedgwick had a few documentaries made about her as did Mansfield) but I can’t really find one about Christa Helm. I will look though because I just found out about her today 7/1/2017- and my eyes are tired and I am almost at the tail end of “The Fact of a Body” by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich and wow – hopefully on her next book she’ll shorten that name! Good read, however

and as always


post – script – most of the times I go over and over my posts to make them not so disjointed I apologize for tonight’s I will go over it tomorrow as I am creating a new “THERE’S A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN THAT CITY” and I am a tad overwhelmed with many things that have happened these past few weeks (my friend passing, the rabbits passing, etc) so I am a bit worn and I will correct anything I can find…tomorrow…lol

drug addiction and and a nice kid I knew named John REAL STORY 6/25/2017

May 25th I was really sick and wanted to just go to sleep and because of the way things are you can’t just go to the doctors anymore and ask for like a relaxant like Xanax or whatever because then you look like a drug seeker – so I was going to ask this guy I knew if he had anything. I knew he sold whatever is popular with the kids these days and he, being in his 20s was a lot younger than me.

So anyway – I called up this kid I knew for a long time and he told me to “come on down” and I met him in Philly somewhere except I noticed when I pulled up that he looked really fucked up which was unusual because he might have done, you know, this or that, dabbled, what have you, but he wasn’t no junkie.

Well I was sitting in my car and he was standing outside all of a sudden he starts bringing out all these bags and pills and money and man if I was a bitch, or not who I am, I would have just robbed him blind. I could have so easily because he put 100.00 in my console and like 200 pills and a variety of bags of things and then walked away! Or tried to walk away. And I said “Jay?!? What the hell are you doing? Where are you going?”

A lady who knew him also walked up to the car and she wanted something and he gave her what she wanted but everything was done in extreme slow motion and she was saying, “My husband is gonna kill me, we gotta hurry this up.” and she was getting pissed I could tell so he gave her what she needed, but then taking in his startling appearance she asked me if I was going to take him to his mom’s house who lived a few blocks away, but by then I was starting to get nervous.

There was all this shit and money everywhere and at this point he was totally dipping like hardcore into the street.

I said, “John, do you want me to drive you home?” He looked at me in a haze and then a book, a Dr. Seuss book, about socks, was in the back of my car and he asked if I could drop it into his mailbox for his son. I said, “sure” and then he told me to knock on the door and talk to his mom which I wasn’t so sure she’d be all that thrilled to see me since I probably represented to her the seedy side of his life (because of our past history – which I won’t go into right now – nothing sexual, I just don’t feel like typing it all out right yet)

So anyway, I cleaned up the bags and the pills and put the 100.00 in his front pants pocket and he was dipping so bad at this point if a cop drove by we’d be toast.

So eventually I got out of there and I did go to his house and dropped the Dr. Seuss book in his mom’s mailbox.

A few days later I tried to call to see if he was ok but there was no answer. A few weeks went by and I ALWAYS heard from him by that point and I thought – Was he mad at me? Did he snap out of his stupor and think I took that 100 or some other money he may have lost. I could have taken thousands of dollars worth of drugs off of him that day but I would never do that- back in my cocaine days dealers used to leave me alone in their house with coke and money because they knew I would never touch it.

That’s not who I am.

Well, finally last night I straight up plugged his name into my phone and it came up in the obit section. He died. Kid was no more than 25 and that’s pushing it, probably even younger.

I am completely devastated and wonder what I could have done more…taken him to his moms and shown her what kind of shape he was in?

But anyone who knows that when you do that what happens is that person usually gets mad at the person trying to help.

I’ve had cops tell me that when they’re giving an Od’ing person Narcane they start freaking out asking why they did that – why they “ruined” their high and that they were “cool”

RIP John, my heart is broken for you, your mother and your son who probably won’t even remember you (he’s only about 2) I bought him shirts and toys when he was first born.

I am truly in a deep state of shock and saddened about that day….about what happened…and about how brutal drugs really are.

He must have been in some kind of emotional pain to get THAT high, and…and now he’s gone……





“Francine, I know what I saw. I was standing in front of the 7-Eleven, waiting for Theo to come through with some half decent bags because Pedro cuts his too much-”
“For Christ’s sake, Steve, I don’t care about the bags, what did you see?” I was on the verge of hysteria because I didn’t want to believe what he was about to tell me could be seeped in any sense of truth. Mark and I had been together since high school. We got married when we turned 21 and we were going to start a family. Steve had to be mistaken.

“It was raining but I know what I saw. Mark didn’t see me and I don’t know what he’d do this in front of the 7-Eleven when he knows everyone hangs down there, but he was there, with a girl, with blonde hair, that wasn’t you because I thought it was you at first because they were kissing. But when she turned her head, I was waving and I could see she didn’t recognize me and the more I looked the more I realized it wasn’t you then when Steve saw me he got out of that

parking lot like his car was on fire.” He was rushing through the story where I wanted every simmering detail because he was scared. That’s how I knew this wasn’t a joke or Steve just being dopey Steve. He must have really saw Mark with another girl and the pain cut through me so bad I couldn’t breathe. I wanted Mark. I had to talk to Mark.

I couldn’t even hear the rest of what Steve was saying. And I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I just wanted to be alone and I just wanted to talk to Mark. NOW.

And who the fuck was this blonde bitch anyway?

“You wanna smoke a joint?” Steve asked, his blue eyes almost glistening with tears of his own. “I didn’t want to tell you this…I didn’t, Francine, but I didn’t think it was fair not to tell you.”

If what he was really saying were true then Steve was truly a good friend. But how was I gonna find out. It wasn’t like Mark would tell me though I would know if he was lying.

My skin boiled. I was going to sit and wait. I would know right away. I played it off like I wasn’t about to jump off the roof, which is what I felt like doing right at the moment and I thanked Steve, telling him I just wanted to sit and think for a while and I really did appreciate him telling me what he saw.

“Are you sure?” he truly looked upset, “Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”

I shook my head, “No, no, that just means you’re a really good friend for telling me this.”

“You want me to sit with you a minute?”

I shook my head, hard, no I wanted to be by myself and I wanted to talk to Mark.


Almost like he knew Steve had told me, but how could he, Mark wouldn’t answer his phone. I called it again and again and again. It kept ringing but no one was answering.

I decided to walk down the stores myself, not drive, but walk, through the woods, even more sneaky like. Anyone could see my car. It was a distinctive blue color. It might have been your standard Toyota but it was painted by whoever owned it before so there was no other blue quite like it. I was gonna kill this mother fucker.

Why would Steve lie? He just wouldn’t. He looked so bad even telling me what he wanted to tell me that it was making me sick. Making me sick to think of Mark being with another woman. We’d been together so long. We had a good relationship. None of it made any sense.

I walked through the schoolyard and down the stone covered embankment and into the woods where we used to hang out as children. That’s when I had first met Mark. We had both been in high school and him and his friends had driven a car inside the woods and blew it up. We thought that was so daring and cool. It had been an abandon car and back then it wasn’t like now. Everything wasn’t tracked. There weren’t cameras everywhere so you could do things and have fun without fear that the next day everything would be plastered all over Facebook or YouTube. As I made my way into the woods, the sunlight glistening off the trees, it lit up like God’s country and everything looked so beautiful. I loved nature. I loved being out in the woods…with…Mark…and now…now would I ever love anything again? Was it even true? Maybe Steve was high and it wasn’t Mark though I knew in my heart that something was wrong.

But why would Mark do it in front of the 7-Eleven knowing people that both knew us would be down there. That was the classic neighborhood hook up place for any kind of drug you wanted. Since we were kids that’s where we got our pot from, our coke, our ludes. (Man, did I miss those 714’s.) I used to take my birth control at 7:14 every night because that was the only time I could ever seem to remember to take it.

I stopped and breathed in the air. The air that smelled like wet leaves and dirt that was old because no one except old heads or real little kids ever came in here anymore. It wasn’t like when we were kids. They had gotten rid of the path so it wasn’t as easy to walk through the woods anymore, you kind of had to walk around it. Strange things would brush up against your legs and one time Mark and I were fucking like mad dogs in what we thought was just a brush and here it was a bunch of Poison Ivy which I turned out to be allergic to and he nursed my wounds back to health.

I frowned. I felt my lip quivering and my eyes tearing and I knew I was about to breakdown because no matter what. I knew something was wrong.

6/24 – 2B (PLEASE NOTE 2B was prewritten and then lost- so this might be a little shaky or “underwritten” at one point I am going to start writing these elsewhere and then pasting them to this site- for now I am literally writing them off the cuff or LIVE and I am sure it shows in some parts but once I get it off the ground it won’t always stay so.)- DEBBIE

I hustled out of the woods, not really knowing what I was going to do. What would I do when I found Mark? Confront him when I don’t even really think I wanted to know the truth? Steve wouldn’t lie to me and unless he had beer goggles on or something and really didn’t see what he thought he saw I was gonna be one sad girl. I came out of the woods and turned to see the orange and green glow of the 7-Eleven, practically blinding my eye sight, then I saw the kids, staring at me, at mom, the enemy, she who was either searching for her kid to yell at or was a town watchdog type person. When I was younger it was pot and cocaine on the weekends but now kids today were all about heroin and whatever they could find, bath salts and things I never heard of nor knew nothing about.

Or the Angel Dust of the past had mutated into something called ‘wet’ where people ripped off their clothes and drank water out of toilets they would get so thirsty, or so I heard. It scared me how hardcore things were now. I wouldn’t even try ecstasy yet someone told me that we had done enough shrooming and hits of acid that ecstasy wouldn’t matter. And right now the last thing on my mind was drugs anyway.

I wanted to scream out, I am neither I am just looking for my cheating husband.

I had only been with Mark he was my one and only lover. I had kissed a few guys before him but he was it. And I was like maybe his third, we had been with each other that long. I even brought another girl into the relationship before, for his 21st birthday so he wouldn’t stray  and while he had a great time while it was happening he told me afterward he really hadn’t liked it. Like he thought me being with her was really cool but he hadn’t liked being with her directly and I hadn’t much liked that part either. But I made him promise that he would do that rather than anything behind my back. At least I would know about it and it always seemed to work. He seemed satisfied, our sex life was as good as it had always been.

I couldn’t understand… so I searched around for a friendly face and I saw Meringue and ran over to him, pretending like I was running up to him to buy something. He was a nice kid and came right over to me and I couldn’t stop it; the minute he wrapped his arms around me I burst into tears. I just could not hold it back. He held me tightly and didn’t ask nothing until I pulled back and said lightly, “Have you seen Mark around?”

He shook his head and his hazel eyes seemed to go right through to my own when I heard a car revving into the parking lot behind me. It was Mark and he was with another person in an unfamiliar car. I was about to break loose but Meringue stopped me. “Don’t” he whispered under his breath, so I did, I stopped…and I waited….

Part 3

I wiggled out of Meringue’s arms, despite his vehement protests and I ran to the car. Mark was sitting in the passenger’s seat with Greg in the driver’s and they both gave me a look of strange curiosity when I came running breathlessly up. I banged on the window. It was just starting to rain.

“What are you doing outside? Where’s the car?” Mark looked truly upset. And oddly enough the minute he asked me this I thought, he was asking me this like I was a child, and in these brief 5 seconds when I was climbing inside the car I thought maybe this was what he wanted, to be a father. I thought of this a lot, we had talked about it a lot and I was never sure if I wanted to have children but the older I got the more I realized it was something I wanted but I had said I didn’t want it for so long…this was going to be something I was going to have to bring up.

And I sat against the cool leather backing and thought, but if any of this was true none of this would matter because I wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. I could never get over it.

Mark and Greg both turned around and stared at me. “What are you doing out in the rain, down here?” Greg was the one who asked me this.

Mark’s face was turning red.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would start crying. I couldn’t even look at him.

The sympathy in his eyes was killing me. I wanted to blurt it out so bad but not in front of Greg. I was embarrassed like it was my fault that he had cheated on me, like maybe I wasn’t doing something that needed to be done.

“Where’s the car?” Mark was looking around and realized that the car and the jeep we had was not around. “You didn’t walk down here did you?”

I nodded. “It was nice out when I left.”

I so bad did not want what Steve told me to be true that I didn’t even want to know the truth. I didn’t want to say anything and they were both looking at me like I was insane. And yet I was afraid to open my mouth and I could tell my silence was being mistaken for my own deceit; that I wanted to come down here to secretly by drugs or something because no one really came down here for any other reason.

“I didn’t know it was supposed to rain,” I managed to get out.

“Did you need something from the store?” Mark asked, glancing down at his phone. Why didn’t you just call me? I would have gotten whatever you needed, babe.”
I just kept nodding like a mute because the tears were coming up from my stomach into my throat and once they broke I would never be able to stop.



I just sat back and told him I wanted to go home. Mark looked over at Greg and they silently said whatever guys say to each other ‘this bitch is crazy’ etc…and he started up the street, making a left toward the winding road that led up to our house. I glanced back and said a silent goodbye to Meringue who nodded his head at me.

It only takes a few minutes to get up the street so we were in front of the house when a huge storm broke. Really bad. And, of course. the first thing Mark says is, “You would have been stuck in this, Francine, what were you thinking?”

Greg, firing up a joint asked if we wanted any, to which we both shook our heads and got out of the car. I practically ran out and into the house, wanting to confront Mark immediately so he couldn’t make up some ridiculous story.

Our home had been made up just the way I wanted it, in beige and soft blues. I stared at the pictures of us and our friends, and family all across our walls.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a pepsi, watching the and listening to the fizz as it popped open, waiting for Mark to walk into the kitchen.