kat maconie and moving forward… 1/5/2017 part two.

ok obviously I borrowed these from a site on google – I looove both of them esp the pink ones but cannot find any in my size – (8.5) or 39 rather, so I foung blue ones which I love as well, maybe not as much as the killer mix of pink and gold but none the less – gorgeous – also

as I was talking about “The Pact” by Jodi Piccoult it’s the story of Chris and Emily – together since birth, going out, having a blast, and then the unthinkable happens, Chris and Emily are out one night and Emily shoots herself OR the police are saying Chris shot her, so it goes from there. I was really into it and then from previous reviews SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER it said that Emily was molested in a mcdonalds bathroom but from that scene I don’t know I never got that so I was very confused -anyway- END OF SPOILER – it’s still a great book, I thought, and I like Jodi Piccoult novels, they’re not “hot rods” theyre old comfortable Chevy Impalas, a nice sturdy slow ride.

Alas, I met a guy I will refer to as M.A. – those are his initials – he’s a cool person. He writes screenplays – now I was always a novel writer- he wants me to be involved in the screen writing process and I think that would be cool-  if you want to check out a short go on my twitter page – bookshopworm1 – theres a link at the top or go to youtube and check out  IMMB productions – I have to write now!!



Okay it’s the new year and I will be taping many things for my youtube account debeden444 – we will be:

Making our own bath bombs!!

Discussing current events!!


BOOKS – I just got done Jodi Picoult’s “The Pact” and I loved it up until the very end. The last 10 pages were just overwrought blah blah but that’s fine – Jodi Picoult’s novels are not like firecrackers – as in “Gone Girl” or “Girl on a Train” which become these raging successes and when you read them it’s like book crack (though Gone Girl was the least of my favorites from author Gillian Flynn I loved “Dark Places”, that being my favorite and “Sharp Objects”, even her short, “The Grownup” which I cannot believe they put into a hardcover being only 64 pages, but I preferred all of these to Gone Girl and for no other reason than, I liked it, it’s just not my favorite, regardless, all of these books were different than Jodi Piccoult’s. “Nineteen Minutes” I think was my favorite of all her books, but it was the first of hers I had ever read. I realize she has her “formula”, the little surprise ending, the soap opera type goings on between families. How each one “teaches” one about a certain given subject. And for me, endings never meant much for me, it’s always the journey not the destination. Always.

So I ordered a pair of shoes from my new favorite shoe designer, Kat Maconie, her shoes are fucking amazing. And I CANNOT wait to get them. I got a pair of sandals of hers already but they aren’t the BAM POW WAM of these babies I just bought. I WILL TAKE A PICTURE AND UPLOAD it onto this webpage of yours truly wearing them. I will actually upload a picture right now and name it part two of 1/5/2017

Jet fresh and what goes around comes around

img_7806Ok this is the story in a nutshell my punctuation and everthing may be off but thats because my phone is cracked and tiny and my desktop computer is a mess. I have to get a new one.

What I learned in the last year and a half is life sure is strange. Yes that’s me; my safety gear for jet fresh ( look it up kids) I went to college for five years. I got a job right out of school making 40k a year in 1996 then it just increased from there I got to where I was making an easy 70k a year. Then I left that job to work At temple university hospital oh what a prize I had nabbed ; ( I should have known something was off when a dying former coworker begged me not to take the job ) but at that time  my boss was great, he made me the clinical cooridinator for the students I was beloved. I ruled; I was popular,  everything was just going my way.  I had no problems. I took massive 1.5 hour lunches and did whatever I wanted…

and then

after 20 years of being in this field there I was a bloated yet happy version of my former self, I had made it, I had money, respect, I had it all.

Until fate stepped in

And boy did it have different plans in store for me. Something happened;  bad; something I had nothing to do with. Someone made a complaint against temple it was investigated  and found to be warranted but had nothing to do with my boss or with me and yet we were blamed; they brought in R.M.F and T.C to get rid of me and they did so quickly, spread all kinds of lies about me and basically  ruined my reputation. I couldn’t even get another job in my field; I had to cash out my 401ks and I was lost; a lost lonely mess.

What would become of me?  I was terrified.

The union fought but I was a political hot potato. There was little they could do. Eventually Temple gave me 20k and made me sign a paper that I wouldn’t sue them which was utterly  ridiculous ( I had already went through abitration) I should have sued them instead of going through the arbitration but what can I say you live and you learn.

My dad’s goddaughter called my dad one day and said she had gotten a job at a place called Jet ( first you had to prove yourself and get through the temp part if they liked you you were in )(oddly the same thing had happened to her except she had been a county cop, but they had fired her same way, it happens more than you think believe me) I had never heard of jet so I thought what do I have to lose except the massive amount of weight I had gained being a fat cat all of those years.

And so I moved forth…

I started a job that was physically demanding, something I had never had to do before .  My jobs were always mentally straining.

In the first month I lost twenty pounds

then, they had a form to sign up to work on the freezer side of jet called “jet fresh” and I though what the heck did I have to lose except more weight ?

What happened was like being in boot camp.

10 hours a day on my feet no more cushy lunches or big pay checks; 15 minute breaks that some days you could die for. I was amazed at the kids who walked in and worked so hard? Had I been that spoiled that I was in amazement that they just accepted this hard labor as normal?! I couldn’t believe it. At their age I would have said fuck you and walked within minutes.

Instead I was fucking determined to prove myself. I was going to pass this test, through the temp agency and into Jetfresh. I had gotten so used to people kissing my ass all the time that I was on my own here and scared to death. First few days I got lost inside the warehouse they thought I was bat shit crazy and yet still I was determined. Christ I had stripped in the clubs when I was 23 nothing was more terrifying than that. I had been on Howard Stern for a few years as Debbie the Queefer and if I could get in front of Howard and queef I sure as hell could make it inside a freezer.

My bones ached and my fingers bled and I ached for the days of fat paychecks and yet still I stayed. I was furious, now, just with the fact that my fat ass was having trouble keeping up with these young kids.

and then…..

then something happened….

I started to talk to people.

I was beginning to like the sheer brute will it took just to physically get through the day at times;

not to mention the pounds were literally just starting to fall off of me; I was Seeing the real Debbie poke through.

I hadn’t seen her in many, many years….

When D told me that I was getting converted into Jetfresh as a real employee it took everything I had not to burst into tears. I had done it. I had done something I never thought possible. I had never worked this hard in my life and for such little money but the money didn’t matter anymore. I was starting to love myself again. And it had been so long …. so you see, bad things do happen to good people. I am a good person. I had just become a chubbier version who made a lot of money. Now I have to watch what I spend  but wow do I look so much better being  broke. Clothes that haven’t fit me since I was pregnant, fit. I’ve grown to love that damn freezer.

It’s home.

and to the bitches that tried to break my spirit

what goes around comes back around ..: all the way back around

love and kisses

Debbie  that was the shortened version of what is a much longer story but again it’s hard using my little phone screen and my desktop computer is truly screwed so for now, that’s the beginning of being fresh, only the beginning,



November 1 2016

I got off track – but I will start up – sorry – I am in a Jodi Picoult mood – I have been reading her books -I read Small Great Things and now I am backtracking and reading Second Glance. I liked Small Great Things- a little over the top with for example when the woman is being led out of her house, arrested, she complains that none of her white friends say anything. But around here, so many people are arrested first of all I wouldn’t ask why any of my neighbors were being arrested and second what does it matter if she’s black, everyone around here gets arrested all the time. But for right now it was a good book – I got totally sidetracked I’ll delve more into all of this I need a new phone and a new computer – both are broken and yes same shitty computer as last year SIGH – ONE OF THESE YEARS LOVE AND KISSES

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware and The Status Of All Things by Liz and Lisa

PS – this should be at the bottom but I just thought of it – there’s a podcast called My Favorite Murder – sometimes they yammer on too much but for the most part its good – check that out too!

I have just read The Woman In Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware.  This is her second novel. Her first was In a Dark Dark Wood, I liked that one I liked this one but I have to say this second one followed somewhat of a formula type pace. I like Ruth Ware’s writing and yet I think as a writer she will grow and become even better. There’s an amazing Hitchcockian potential there that just needs to grow.

The story revolves around a woman who has severe anxiety issues who gets on a ship and gets mixed up in a bizarre mystery involving murder and intrigue – I can’t say to much without going into spoilers – -it’s entertaining a bit slow at times but I don’t know there was just something missing that I cannot put my finger on; like the heart was missing from it – it was what it was and nothing more but the ending got picked up speed so that was its strong suit…anyway- I am starting to fall asleep

I just started reading The Status of All things by two women- Liz Fenton and Lisa Steinke -it is very good so far. And when I picked it up I was a bit afraid because I like horror or heavy themes; I don’t tend to go for lighthearted like Where did you go Bernadette -that was a five star reviewed book that I could not get through the first 20 pages and I tried BOY did I try and I just straight up was a part of the very very few who did not like it. So when I picked this up I was afraid, very afraid, and here, I LOVE it- can’t read it fast enough and I WILL REVIEW IT!! I don’t want to forget my PEEPS!


and Watch a show on TV land Called Younger it’s by the maker of Sex and the City Darren Starr- I will tell you what THAT guy KNOWS women!!

I don’t know how he does it – but he digs right into what we like what we NEED

He’s outstanding – The 3rd season premiers on Sept 28, 2016- next wed – TV land 10 pm- watch it! love it – and American Horror- after that God Awful Hotel I couldn’t even get into – this season is awesome – I am really starting to dig Cuba Gooding Jr. He was OJ Simpson in a past show and now he’s playing the lead in AH and I am digging it – and I love that Sarah Paulson- she rocks – so keep it going and I must go to bed I am falling asleep sorry rushed at the end I will try to keep up I adore you guys


Its Septemner 23, 2016 and my vagina

I knew this would happen- I got a job outside the home and I just can’t pay attention to this site- I am on twitter mostly – I want to try to keep up this site – pisses me off that I am letting it lag and I am not getting to the comments the way I wanted to – I apologize for this and I am going to try my best – I would love nothing more than to write all day and do this blogging because I feel that I have  a lot to bring to people – that I can weed through the bad in life and filter in the good to people that want it – anyway – MY VAGINA – As some know from 1997 to about 2008 – some reruns are still run to this day I was the raining queefgirl of the Howard Stern show – there were many contests -didn’t matter if I won or lost – for some reason people just loved ME the most and for that, I thank you.

Anyway – I am over forty now and when I turned forty something horrible happened. My vagina started to attack me. I feel that this is something that few women talk about because it’s embarrassing, sounds gross, women don’t want people to know that their vagina might be anything less than perfect.

Well that’s what happened – for years I literally had a golden vagina – and then wow – did it turn – sorry to gross anyone out but my vagina became most of all itchy and a bit dry. The itching was driving me crazy. I thought I had a yeast infection but I bought Monistat – used it and, still the itch and burn remained, no STDs (thankfully never had one in my life) but I was perplexed — what the hell was wrong with my baby? My vagina which had been perfect for so long was now hurting.

I tried everything, and I started getting Urinary Tract Infections quite frequently. This went on for about a year and I was going nuts. Finally, one day I was on amazon, trolling for books to read to review for you good people when BAM I don’t even know what I plugged in to find this product- it’s called

RePhresh it’s a Pro-B Probiotic. I don’t exactly know what that means.

Probiotic in the dictionary is listed as a substance or preparation that is introduced into the body for its beneficial properties.

Well. this RePhresh had 1,107 reviews of which 70 percent were 5 star reviews, 10 percent were 4 star – so that’s 80 percent of really good reviews for over 1000 women.(I’ve heard Ultimate Flora is good as well)

However, just having been introduced to these products- I didn’t know what to think. I just know I was climbing the walls with this damn itching and dryness – I even tried something called Pink for the dryness which worked but didn’t do anything for this constant itching. I thought is my vagina just gone bad????
Alas, I bought this RePhresh and two weeks later, ALL of my symptoms – that weird, “I’m gonna get a UTI any minute” feeling GONE -the itching GONE – my vagina is singing!!! I don’t know who made this RePhresh but I thank them profusely because I literally feel like a new woman!!! Now I never noticed and odor (thank god or I think I would have jumped off the ledge) but I read that women who had odor problems as well noticed a marked decrease taking this product – Now I am not a doctor so by all means discuss this first with your GYN or GP before using but I highly recommend going on amazon and getting some RePhresh – and let your vagina dance!!!!

Its been too long I know I know…

Its been a month today – can’t believe it but time is slipping away, plus I went on vacation plus it’s my birthday on Friday and that is freaking me out as I approach an age I NEVER thought I’d see!

Books I’ve read:

The Girls by Emma Cline, Life or Death by Michael Robotham

All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda and The Two-Family House by Lynda Cohen Loigman

‘Currently I am reading The Lost Girls by Heather Young

So The Girls though it was based on the Manson Girls (and please don’t tell me you don’t know who Charles Manson is, come on) anyway- it’s not so much the story (because the element of surprise is gone so there’s that) but the writing is REALLY good, for that I highly recommend; and it’s not just the good writing it’s the places she takes the reader. It’s more than about the Manson Girls – it’s about life and looking back.

Life or Death by Michael Robotham, like all of Robotham’s books is a fast paced thriller – this one about a guy named Audie and his time in prison for stealing a lot of money – This guy cam write (Robotham not Audie lol) – everything he writes – I’ve read a few of his books so far but I have I think all of them and I will get to all of them are just excellent. He keeps you interested he’s just straight up telling a story. While I like some books because they might have you look at life a different way or suddenly just realize something about yourself, Robotham just tells a story and that’s nice to know when you pick up one of his books that’s what you’re in for, nothing less.

Now we get to All the Missing Girls, Ahem,

I am an artist. I read voraciously so at this point I know what I like and I can also tell when an author is making the most biggest mistake that all beginner writer’s tend to make and that is TELLING not SHOWING.

Michael Robotham SHOWS; Gilly McMillian SHOWS; Stephen King love him or lump him ,well, you know

BUT THIS BOOK ARGH – so much promise, so many good reviews and then I get to it and I wanted to pull my hair out, seriously.

I do not like downing artists I respect all of my fellow artists – and hey, she’s got a book out there that’s far more well known than anything I’ve ever written so I give her all the props but the book itself drove me crazy.

It was basically shoving down our throats how the protagonist felt throughout the whole book -it would have been a fantastic read had it not TOLD us how she felt every second and how we the reader should be feeling every second.

And I will stop there because, again, I don’t like writing negative reviews. I just wasn’t into it.

Now, getting to The Two Family House. I still keep going back and forth about the book.

I liked it. I did. But did I LOVE it. Or just eh, no, it definitely wasn’t an eh, no matter how dry it was, as in, they always tell you in writing classes, or college writing course, write minimally and just tell the story but this is one of those books that does just that and it’s a short book, clocking in at something like 290 pages yet it could have been written with a better prose. It was a little too dry but it was good, solid. Not a rave but a solid 3.5 stars.

Anyway I am having higher hopes for Heather Young’s Lost Girls!

Love and Kisses





Today is July 16, 2016

I wasn’t working for a while and I was able to twitter and youtube and write down all I wanted to write – I finished a novel that I have been on and off working on for TWENTY years and now I am back to working outside the home and while I love the job, I am back to unintentionally ignoring my website and all things creative. It is true – it’s one thing or another. You have to give 100 percent to really make it. I know I could make it as a writer- a published, well known writer if I had the time. Time is so limited and I am so fearful that I will never get out what I want to get out into the world. I want to leave my mark just like everyone else but life is getting in the way. I am going to do my best to keep up on this website. For now though I feel another novel inside of me that I have to get out.

That being said,

Right now I am reading “Life or Death” by Michael Robotham who is not only an excellent writer but he writes certain passages that really hits home for me. This is paraphrasing  but something to the affect that “I wish I could look at life like that from above and backwards so that everything could be put in perspective.”

I feel like that sometime like why is this or that happening and then you find out why at a later time. That’s why it’s good to not get too upset by things (outside of a child dying – that is one thing that never makes any sense to me and is just horrible through and through) beyond that – everything, the everyday bullshit we deal with – it’s small potatoes and we should always think like that.

Back to Life after Death. A man who did about 15/20 years in prison is set to get out on such and such a date only to escape the DAY BEFORE his release. Why? And what will happen to the 7 million dollars he supposedly has hidden. Great cat and mouse thriller with a lot of life teaching passages in between.

I’m halfway through it – and wish I could read as much as I wanted to I’d finish it today!

Love and Kisses


Daniel Johnston

Ok on an episode of Girls they ended it (the episode is called “On all Fours” and his a really good episode. Excellent. Excellent, man sometimes that show just nails it and this was one of those episodes, especially when Adam is having sex with this girl and tells her to “get on all fours and crawl”.  Anyway, a guy name Daniel Johnston sings “Life In Vain” at the end….great song –

I started to read about him after I saw said Girls episode and I saw a Youtube live performance of him, which showed him shaking A LOT, Parkinson’s like, so I started to read on Wikipedia, apparently he has schizophrenia as well as a host of other disorders and it says that one time him and his father were in a plane and he suddenly thought he was Casper the Friendly Ghost and he pulled the key out of the plane ignition. Well his father had to emergency land the plane it what he called “a bunch of trees” – they both survived.

Then I looked up more of his music- there’s a song called “Hard Time” that is so raw and understated in its brilliance that I had to write about it. Now, I finished TBC – the book that’s been in the works for 20 years and I am STILL not sure if I will ever get this thing out. I don’t know, it’s the first novel I’ve ever written and I just don’t know. I already thought of another novel and I am going to start on that one. Worse comes to worse I’ll put them both out under different names as their genre is so different, one is young adult fantasy, the other is straight up “Fiction” but really happened, is that creative non-fiction? not sure. But in the meantime go look up Daniel Johnston…..interesting to say the least.

OK I need to rest for one night I am just going to read The Girls by Emma Cline. Just for one night take a breather from novels, and what not.


The Ruins – book and movie; major spoilers which I normally don’t do but is necessary for content; I suggest both; both are A+

the ruins bookthe ruins movieOK, first I have to start off by saying, my daughter who does my youtube tapings (which the last one we were in such a rush due to unforeseen circumstances, wasn’t that great but I’m trying to think through a lot of things here) I do listen to suggestions and I want nothing more than to turn this website from an archaic “book” to a more streaming friendly 2016 looking website or at least bring it into the year 2000 lol – anyway -I can’t do anything without my kids as my computer is ancient (I definitely have to get a new one very shortly) and I am computer illiterate. My next youtube video will be me answering and commenting on all of your comments so if you want a name or a handle said just tag it onto your comments which I adore but am having trouble writing back to…the book that I’ve been writing forever is driving me NUTS at this point. I can’t finish it – that’s a whole other slew of unresolved psychological issues so lets get to the talk at hand THE RUINS – yes Scott Smith, author of A Simple Plan threw everybody a curve ball when he went from his 1993 book “A Simple Plan” to forgive me if I am wrong his 2006’s
“The Ruins” in all my Amazon.com reading review life I have never seen such a split on a book so good. One reviewer even correctly identifies the problem, asking “Did we read the same book?”

There are over 1000 reviews and 29 percent are at ONE star which baffles me to no end – 24 percent is at 5 star which is the CORRECT ANSWER yes FIVE – The Ruins is just about the best horror book I’ve ever read. So trippy scary that if it WAS 1991 and I was doing acid every Friday night (I do miss those days as I could NEVER do acid again – handle with care my friends, scary stuff) I’d be jumping out the freaking window. It is amazingly good. A group of friends go into this Mayan region. It turns out that it is sacred and what happens is they get eaten alive by these “plants” where the plants come from and are they a part of the sacred region? is one of the fights that this book brings about but to me that’s small potatoes – the mind blowing part is the plants speak back to them, that’s how they originally find the things is they keep hearing a much needed cell phone ringing and VIOLA – talking plants?? But the way it is written omg I am frightened now as I type. SO EXCELLENT. I don’t exactly know why it gets knocked so hard. The one starers for lack of  a better word seem to be very bitter about it being so different from A Simple Plan. I just wish Scott Smith would write another book – why does it take you 13 years dude, oh wait – mines been 20…I win!


The movie gets even more knocked because it is different than the book, though Scott Smith wrote the screenplay as well- why does he switch the characters around so that the best part of the movie SPOOOOILLLLLER HERE CLOSE EYES when the girl (it’s a guy in the book and I can’t remember anyone’s name ever so there) but she skins herself alive trying to get the plants out of her legs and arms and head, then stabs her damn boyfriend in the heart, my GOD and this is not good??? who are these people? (ok small Seinfeld reference)  It is SOOOO good, movie, book whatever I was shitting my pants the whole time (almost literally) COME ON PEOPLE WAKE UP and bring some much needed love to The Ruins –

The end I can’t even do a spoiler on that I have such trouble with spoilers but it is VASTLY different in the movie – BUT – and this is my thing here. I have an issue where every now and again (three times a week) I get this feeling of I don’t know if it’s panic or what but I become frightened by death (does this make sense?) and all over sense of dread, being lonely, scared. ( and I am married to the most wonderful man on planet earth, the other night he ripped me from this computer to fuck my brains out I mean, come on, who doesn’t love THAT?) and yet, I don’t know how else to convey “the feeling” but it sucks, it sucks bad, well, reading the book I was like oh boy, it just brings out that ‘we are all doomed’ feeling, but seeing the movie I was left with some hope, so I therefore like both the movie and the book for different reasons and if something’s shitty or bad – believe me I have NO qualms about saying it out loud (hello Life After Life) but this is just about as good as it gets.

As for my site, my son is a gamer, and I admit I as well love watching those videos where as the person is talking they’re gaming, it’s cool, gives you something to stare at while you’re listening and just looks bad ass to me, maybe because I am such an old head at this point.

If I can get my site to do something like that, believe me I will, but in order to do this I have to finish my book, and get my kids back home (they’re at grandmoms far away grandmom) in that order!!!!!


OK -I got 2 pages left I am biting my lips closing my eyes and typing NOW!